Tag Archives: wet knickers

um…

posted by:  audra

i know, right?  just be happy that yours truly has an important enough job that i don’t spend hours of the workday blogging any longer. or don’t be.  your choice.

the latest assorted treats, in list form…because i’m lazy:

*a single man.  um–turns out, tom ford, the love of my life, can direct!  so beautiful it’s nearly unspeakable.  just watch it.  so pretty….slow, but i promise it will hold your attention, hence the prettiness.

and speaking of beautiful films…

*antichrist.  i was all up in arms to see this months ago, and finally saw it the last weekend.  i have a problem with lars von trier even though i think he’s kind of amazing, but this film is brilliant.  SPOILER ALERT!  clit cutting & ejaculating blood.  combined with charlotte gainsbourg, willem dafoe & witchcraft = kinda perf.  but once you see ‘her’ whip out the scissors, look away if you’re faint of heart.

*this is old news now, but  trust me–if you make a group of your friends watch it, it will spark controversy & they’ll be talking about it long after you’ve slammed your ginger infused vodka & smoked 4 ciggies.   even if it puts you all in a tizzy & you think it has nothing to say… isn’t the mish accomplished?

*what the fuck is wrong with me that i haven’t blog-lamented lee mcqueen’s devastating suicide?!  what a tool.  seriously.

*whilst i love my favorite bar, i truly wish that i could dismember nearly every regular patron of that place.  and i’m so tired of the self-righteous, holier-than-thou fucks there that i can’t even stand myself any longer.  the gentleman i’ve affectionately nicknamed ‘headphones’?  he’s fine.  sam’s stalker?  even he’s fine.  but the retards who play quarters at the bar have got to go.  really?  you guys are like, 35.  and you have cat hair caked to the ass of your fucking skinny jeans & stupid hipster cardigans.  i’m not interested in you beating my awesome team at bar trivia, either.  fuck you, your douchebaggery, zig zags & loose american spirit tobacco.

*mos qui qui bites are sick, and you’ll totally look like a severe acne victim, post evening stroll up the street unless you protect yourself with pure vanilla extract on your pulse points!  it works–promise!  this learned after enduring 28 bites.  and actually, after discovering this super-important tip, i pretty much doused my entire body with vanilla extract.  you’ll smell like junior high (vanilla fields!), but i’m certain that it will keep you mos qui qui free.  but bees like it.  be careful, babies.

*landlords sometimes do awesome things!  they may actually clean up their shop/studio/rat’s nest with rad galvanized siding and leave a treat from their vacay to greece on your door!

*some quick product reviews from me that i know you’ve missed…

korres soft eyeliner pencil in black is rather… um, really good.  it glides on perfectly smooth, stays on & will set you back about 16 bucks or something.  take it from a girl who wears a whole lot of eyeliner.

sephora shadow also is really good!  even though i shied away from sephora brand stuff before, for whatever reason, it’s really good!  not spectacular, nothing special….just….good.  $12.

korres wild rose face shit is totally, perfectly amazing!  32 bucks will get you a humble little jar of awesome that smells good & makes your medicine cabinet look stylish.  and!  what’s even better, is that it only takes a tiny dab to make your skin nice.  you’re welcome!  my only complaint is that possesses a mere 6(!) spf.  fucking greeks.

more philosophy lip shine!  this time in bubble gum, yet i still want to eat it.  so awesome.  $10.

don’t buy this hairspray!  “brushable hold” and “lightweight” means that it doesn’t work.  at all.

*my jam right now, not to mention completely exquisite video:

*this too…..um, boys in stilettos & fishnets?!  sigh…

*…and this song which i’m totally obsessed with:

sadly, that’s all i have at the moment.  love you, miss you, mean it!

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under potpourri

jam of the year!

posted by:  audra

i think it’s close enough to december 31st now to reveal my jam of the year!  believe it!  it is the most perfect song of 2009.  it just is.  i’ve listened to it like, a gabillion times & never gotten sick of it.  i listen to it drunk while washing dishes–on repeat.  i listen to it sober while putting on makeup–on repeat.  i go to bed with it in my head & dream about it.  it’s beautiful, sexy, kind of sad, has perfect composition & i really fucking love it.  the video’s quite lovely, too.  and the lead vocalist?  he has that delicious kind of british lispy-thing happening, which is the ONLY time lisps are okay.  just watch his mouth.  i would totally sit on his face, never mind the spit-strings!  where am i right this very second?!  rocking back & forth in the fetal position inside my closet listening to this, shedding just one single tear.  god…  okay, ready?!  here you go.  you’re welcome.

the big pink  velvet

Leave a comment

Filed under Music

antichrist

posted by:  audra

…by the by, in case you’re wondering what i’m thinking about right this very second–i am totally tinkling my knickers in anticipation of seeing the new lars von trier:  charlotte gainsbourg, willem dafoe & a seemingly interesting plot peppered with super-fucked up imagery: 

you’ll be the first to know when i’ve viewed it!  apparently, “the film has come under attack for what some critics view as misogyny, as well as for featuring explicit sexual violence.”  yes.  sounds delicious, don’t you think?

Leave a comment

Filed under film

spring 2010 ready-to-wet-your-knickers

posted by:  audra

oh my god, how i’ve missed style.com!  seriously, i haven’t even been looking at stuff…that’s how pathetic i’ve been.  and today?  i went through all  the spring 2010 ready-to-wear collections.  some were way disappointing, like marchesa.  ugh.  and then i read that irving penn, one of my favorite-favorite photographers, and certainly one of the most well-respected fashion photogs EVER has bitten the dust at age 92. 

let’s take a moment of silence for mr. penn.

okay!  that’s enough…now onto the fashion.  there are a lot of limbs gone out on for spring, and i’m not sure which ones are good, and which ones are not so good…yet. 

alexander mcqueen spring 2010 ready-to-wear

i ALWAYS love, love alexander mcqueen.  this collection surprised me a bit; very reptilian-ethereal-alien-wrapped-in-ectoplasm.  i didn’t watch the show, but i can only pray to baby jesus that the church’s ‘reptile’ was the runway music!  and i looove the black pieces towards the end…i die for the very last black dress. 

*

john galliano spring 2010 ready-to-wear

man, i looooove  me some john galliano.  i do.  i could eat him.  i’m not sure how i feel about this collection though….it’s sort of rummage-sale-secretary-costumey-chic had a baby with edie beale.  but i like it…?  kinda?  these were some of my favorites…

*

wunderkind spring 2010 ready-to-wear

i’ve never been crazy about wunderkind…i think it’s only the name that i don’t like.  i’ve never given it a chance, but it caught my eye this time.  style.com wasn’t wild about this collection, but i think designer wolfgang joop did a bang-up job in black & blue…

you know i have a weakness for anything black, but i think these are truly beautiful.  would maybe be better with some plain, old, opaque black tights or some wide-fenced fishnets…?  but, whatever…i totally feel better now!  sweet fashion dreams, my loves! 

Leave a comment

Filed under fashion

style icon: jamie hince

posted by:  audra

jesus christ, so, evidently, i’ve gotten a bit lazy with my little style icon thursday kick!  oopsies…i totally meant to post this yesterday.  but!  as an added friday bonus, you get the very first male extravaganza.  today’s hot meat treat is jamie hince of the kills.  grab a towel for your seat.

i have never seen jamie or a photograph of jamie where he doesn’t look completely pulled-together in a rumpled–but good–way.  and this is easy to achieve, you guys!  the rock-chic, still-wasted-from-last-night, my-clothes-are-dirty-but-my-belt-costs more-than-your-car look.  get it right!  you can do it!  you can look like jamie!  even if you’re fat or think you’re fat!  all you need are some super-skinny jeans, black boots, a couple of good scarves, a nice tee, maybe a fitted pea coat or leather jacket.  a vest would be a good move too.  some nice sunglasses–not cheap ones.  take up smoking.  and the best accessory that goes with practically everything:  kate moss.

see?!  i fucking told you to get a handbag!

okay, well, maybe he was using that as an overnight bag, but it still looks good.  and look at jamie here; see how he’s fumbling with all that stuff in his hands?  notice him struggling?   i bet he wishes he would have brought his big, red hermes with him to corral his shit:

note the classic pea coat a la ian curtis:

again with the scarves!

i know it’s summer, but hang onto them for couple of months.  or, do what i do:  disregard the weather all together & wear whatever the fuck you want…even if you’re sweating in a black cardigan & tights.  fashion over function!  when you’re dead, do you want anyone to say, gee, he was so…so…functional!  utilitarian even! no.  you want people to say, that fucker knew how to dress!  so snappy!  fashion forward, but effortless at the same time!  incredible style.  always looked dressed to a tea, that one.

you can do it, you guys.  straight boys can be stylish, too!  don’t let all the pretty gays steal your thunder!  jamie is a perfect living example of how easy it is to be hot without having to put forth heaping scoops of effort.  how do you think he got kate moss for christ’s sake!

 

2 Comments

Filed under fashion

style icon: dita von teese

posted by:  audra

well, you all should know by now that i absolutely adore dita.  the queen of burlesque.  i love her so, so much that i would happily skin her alive & fucking wear her.  i daydream about it quite frequently, in fact.  always clad in vintage-y garb, pretty lingerie & flawless makeup, she’s quite possibly my number one style icon.

come love her with me, my dirty little piglets!  today we’ll be delving deep inside dita.  oooh, good title for a porn, don’t you think?!

ms. dita von teese was actually born on september 28, 1972 as heather renee sweet in rochester, michigan.  her mum, a manicurist, was super-into old hollywood glamour & screen actresses of the 1940s…which, in turn, rubbed off on dita when she was a little girl.  of course, when dita was older, she became obsessed with vintage glam:  red lippy, finger-waves, corsets & stockings.

at a young age, dita trained as a ballerina until she was 15; when she became a stripper at 18, dita would incorporate her ballet skillz into her performances.  she thought that the typical dancer’s routines were dull & such, so she created her own — complete with seamed stockings, a basque, hair done up in a beehive & long gloves.  delicious.

soon after the stripping gig, she began fetish modeling…and amid my investigation work on wikipedia, i learned this:

Through the wearing of a corset for many years, she had reduced her natural waistline to 22 inches and can be laced down as far as 16.5 inches.

um…why haven’t i tried this yet?!  amazing.  anyway, then came the playboy layouts & the famous burlesque shows to follow.  more recently, she’s done modeling for my bffs jean paul gaultier, heatherette & vivs westwood & is a spokesmodel for mac cosmetics.  of course!  hearts.

as if that weren’t enough to make me want to eat her [out], i read this little nugget:

“The one time I hired a stylist, they picked up a pair of my 1940s shoes and said, ‘These would look really cute with jeans.’ I immediately said, ‘You’re out of here.'”

and theeeen…ready?  you’d better pour a drink & sit down for this one: she dyes her blonde hair black, always does her own makeup.  and!  her beauty mark?!  fake! god, it’s like we were separated at birth!  i’ve always felt like i had a sister.  combine that with her love of bondage and her pasty & tasty complexion…?  jesus.  she’s better than huffing sharpie pens.

sweet dita dreams, my sweets.  you’re welcome.

2 Comments

Filed under fashion

bonnie et clyde

posted by:  audra

okay.  so…something terrible has happened.  something of epically catastrophic proportions:  sam brought it to my attention the other day that kylie minogue has sampled one of my favorite-favorite songs ever —  bonnie & clyde, done by brigitte bardot & serge gainsbourg.  shame on you if you don’t know it…do your homework!

i nearly lost it.  tears & hair-pulling & everything else that comes with a nasty hissy fit.  my super-sexy, dirty little secret was now going to be ruined by australia’s pop darling?!  one of the most well-written songs of all time, perhaps?  i didn’t know what any of the words meant until i was able to translate them into english, but it doesn’t matter!  it’s still upsetting!

but…at least it’s not a cover, right?!

last night, i had to see for myself.  so, i did some investigation work & brought up youtube.  i searched for kylie’s new song, sensitized, which contains my sample.  i didn’t see the official video posted yet, but i watched some crappy one where the music had been set to a different video of hers.  i hate it when people do that.  but anyway, i listened to the whole mess…

…and it’s totally not bad!  for real!  and then i saw this amazing marilyn montage & fell in love with it.  watch it right now! theeen, i saw this other one in the related section, and happened upon the promo for sensitized…and it’s.  totally.  fucking.  hot!

what’s wrong with me?!  first jesse mccartney & now this.  whatevs.  here you go!  you’re welcome.

Leave a comment

Filed under Music, Video