Tag Archives: the boys in the band

a town called malice

posted by:  audra

well, kittens…  what is everyone doing this weekend?  gallivanting gayly through the woods?  going on a three-day drinking/show bender?  attending a  housewarming thrown by one of the best party-throwers you know?  using the pedegg for the first time?  buying a bumpit & making your hair luxuriously big?

i think it’s safe to say i won’t be doing any of these things over the weekend.   buuut, don’t fret:  lots of drinking will ensue.  for suresies.

sam & i will be crossing many a county line tomorrow morning, somewhat early-ish, to stay with my parents for a few days.  seeing them will be nice, but i’m never real enthused to go back to my hometown.  i don’t belong there, & every time i go back i feel more detached from it.   in a good way.  thanks, baby jesus!  but…my parents are fun.  they like the sauce.  and not in a ‘hey-that’s-my-beer-cozy!’ way, either.   there’s pinochle…lots of it.   i hate card games, really i do — well, all games in general actually — but i’m rather good at this one & it makes me feel smarter & cunning, much like a fox in drag.

but anyway!  honestly, i’d much rather stay in pdxoxo this weekend, maybe see a show, perhaps watch the boys in the band again, & definitely cook something.  it seems like it’s been months since i made something in the kitchen that didn’t have to be slit open to allow steam to escape whilst in the microwave.  pathetic!

fuck, where was i going with this…?  random, right?!  oh well.  it’s gone too far now that it’s impossible for me to slow my roll.  i’ll try to keep it on track for you, loves.  i suspect that i will get lots of magazining done this weekend, as there’s not much to do when one is 200 miles away from the nearest sephora.  i may even take pictures of this event.  like i did at thanksgiving, reading up on demi-glace in my mom’s saveur, in the guest bed, at 3am.  the lump on the right in the photograph is sam’s leg:

i thought i would come home, become an expert, make demi-glace & blog about it.

i made it as far as the reading part.

i blame the article that was likely about booze, with a title stolen from david sedaris.  well, maybe he’s not the origin of the phrase, but i’d like to think he is:

this time i intend to get caught up on all sorts of fashion news…i think i’m at least two issues of harper’s bazaar and vogue behind!  i have a stack of food mags as well…there will be absolutely no excuse for me not to cook now.  none at all.  i’ll take drunken photographs too, just as proof!  you’re excited!

i take that back — if it gets hotter than fuck next week upon our return, i will not be cooking.  i’ll be doing cocktail hours out, perhaps before getting a cock in my tail.  what?!  i know.  this is a bullshit post & i’m sorry!  the next one will be worth your time!  promise!

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queers, five years & saturday’s mistake: the conclusion

posted by:  audra

i was so starving & pissed at this point, & had consumed enough wine that i snapped.  mid-shot, i interrupted his photo-taking & hissed, “excuse me, are you going to be doing that all night?” i did!  i totally hissed!  he then of course apologized profusely & noted that he was taking blurry shots for the website & that i would definitely not be in any other shots.  whatever!  you’re still annoying the fuck out of me!  but he did move, & i didn’t see him for the rest of the night.  good work, audra.  good work.

entrees finally arrive & my thighs start sweating:   i ordered the grilled leg of lamb with green herb yogurt, chick pea fritters & a salad of orange & fennel…sam got the grilled sirloin with shallot butter, roof greens & fries.  we weren’t very impressed about the fries part…couldn’t they come up with something a bit more swank?  at least serve them in a cute little cup like this place does?  whatever!  everything was fairly good; except that sam’s meat was a little overdone.  actually, a lot overdone.   and if sam thinks it’s overdone, it’s way overdone.  my lamb was a little on the cool side, too.  it seems to me that they were leaving entrees out to rest too long before serving them.  again with the under-staffing issue!  anyway, the wine we chose to have with dinner was perfect…and oopsies, i have no idea what it was!  i wasn’t all that impressed with the wine-list either.  this being a wine place, you’d think i would be…but 6 years working in the wine industry, i’m hard to please when it comes to wine lists.  maybe it was just the by-the-glass list i wasn’t impressed with.  hmm.  whatevs.  i’m probably just being a bitch.

we did dessert & paid our check quickly…as oddly enough a really weird guy that we sort of know was seated less than a foot away from me, with his date.  she was really pretty & i have no idea what the fuck she was doing with him.  clearly she’s an idiot!  he spent the whole time texting while she sat & stared at her drink.  we don’t know this guy well, only through a friend of ours, and have only been around him twice.  but he’s a real loser & thinks he’s some big fucking treat.   i’ve witnessed him giving pcp to a friend when said friend thought it was just a regular joint.  anyway!   i can’t stand him.  he’s bad news.  luckily, we hadn’t seen him in a few years so he didn’t recognize us before we split.  so! close!

walking back to the car, i stumbled a few times.  i did.  what the fuck!?  i had four glasses of wine total, over the course of maybe 3 hours.  that’s nothing to me!  that’s just warming up!  whatever… i shrugged it off & got into the passenger seat.

not 3 blocks down the street & i have to ask sam to pull over.  i know i’m not going to be sick or anything gross like that, but i just could not be in the car.  super dizzy, you guys!  seriously!  do i need to remind you i only had 4 glasses of wine?!  so he drops me off in this parking lot, & i literally stumble over to the curb.  i can’t believe i didn’t fall down or scuff my shoes or something!  i was totally fucked up!  whoopsies!

i sat for a couple minutes, looking at my shoes, hoping i wouldn’t be sick on them, wondering why in the world i was so drunk & finally teetered my way back to the car.  it was so horrible!  i don’t think i’ve staggered so much, even in my drunkest drunkenness ever!  once i did make it back into the car, i was totally fine.  my drunkenness seemed to disperse as quickly as it had come on.  weird, right?!  i blame it on the one glass i had at le bar de skeeze earlier!  what else could it have possibly been?!   i just don’t know…but something fucked me up beyond recognition, as i went to bed at 11:00 that night.  eleven o’clock!  not my usual 4am antics, no!  eleven o’clock.  believe it.

i can say that there is something good that came out of my going to bed totally yet accidentally wasted at 11 on a saturday night:  i got up before noon sunday morning.  this never, ever happens & i’m kinda proud of myself!  this allowed us to watch all three of our netflix films in one day!  before dark!  this week’s was a fag themed one:  three of hearts, divine trash & the boys in the band.

three of hearts was kinda…meh.  i was real excited for it; documentary – one gay couple married to a woman, so they have this hot threesome thing going on, even though none of the three are really all that hot.  anyway, the woman gets pregnant at the beginning of the doc & they pretty much ruin it with that.  it’s mostly baby stuff from there on out, so i lost interest.

divine trash.  john waters documentary.   enough said!  get it!  i’m hoping to do some geneology maybe sometime real soon &  find out that john is my uncle.  wouldn’t that be rad?!

the boys in the band is fucking uh-mazing!  i’m super-embarrassed that we hadn’t seen it yet!  it’s super-intense & done in what feels like real time…like you’re there hanging out with them without any missing blocks of time, you know?  it’s like queer as folk & who’s afraid of virginia woolf? had a baby & it’s brilliant.  love, love, love.   in fact, as soon as it was over, i had to pop in virginia woolf because boys had put me in such a tizzy for it.  get the boys in the band right this very second, it will totally change your life!

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