Tag Archives: mary-kate

my new crush!

posted by:  audra

ladies & gentlemen:  pam hogg.

why is it that i’m just now discovering her?!  i was milling about, reading the news, looking at parties & such.  at first i was sucked in due to all the kate moss appearances, but this little pam treat was in at least half of the photographs from london’s fashion week party.  and then something magical happened:  here she is hanging out with kate moss & jamie hince!  my dream threesome couple.  yum.  i just want to get them all roofied up, turn out the lights & roll around in a cloud of cool with them.  take a look:

so glamorous…edgy…dirty…all the good bits.   man…i bet i could play some mean dress-up with pam!  i mean, we look practically identical.  she is a fashion designer from the u.k., as well as a musician…and she’s bffs with siouxsie sioux & alison mosshart.  she’s just that fucking rad.   sigh!  pamcakes is totally going to be my next stalking victim, right after i’m able to kidnap m-k & make her love me.  want to know more?  of course you do!   but i’m too lazy to type it out right now.  just go here & here…and maybe here, too.  enjoy.  you’re welcome.

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oh. my. god.

posted by:  audra

mko for interview magazinesam was watching the news the other night, & scurried in to tell me to google mary-kate’s interview magazine spread for march.  anyone else but m-k, & i probably would have finished what i was doing first…but for her, everything stops.

christopher bollen interviews the better olsen twin in the march issue of interview.   i’m so, so excited for this…the photographs look amazing.  can she look any hotter?  really?  all pasty & tasty with her platinum blonde hair & smoky eye-makeup…?  sigh!  i just want to snap off her little bony fingers & eat them one by one whilst stroking her big head & gazing into her gigantic elfin eyes.  so delicious:

the wordpress police wouldn’t let me post the video of the photoshoot, & i think interview has already taken it down anyway… but you should take but a second to skim part of the interview here.  so good.  you won’t be sorry.  i promise! oh, and p.s…  remember when i was fretting about m-k being pregnant, months ago?  i’m so, so relieved those rumors proved to be false.  it looks like she slimmed down some, too.  thank heavens.

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audra: le xxx-mas dîner, resolutions & a coke-nail

had i been planning better, i would’ve pulled the camera out earlier last week, gotten off my ass & posted some sort of something for you to feast your eyes upon. but, of course, instead of using my snow days productively, sam & i laid about.  a lot.  aside from watching caligula & what we do is secret – twice, i have no idea what we actually did last week.  but i did discover that i wanna eat shane west even more so now after seeing secret.  even with his totally fucked-up-darby-teeth, he’s so delicious.  i no longer have to use a walk to remember as a masturbatory tool.  thank heavens.  that was getting embarrassing.

but anyway.   sam & i had a lovely christmas at home, relatively drama-free.  i even took some really gorgeous photographs of the super sexy standing rib roast with roasted fennel & crème brûlée…but it as it turns out, i was drunk, & the pictures didn’t turn out so hot.

i’m really lacking for material here, but i was thinking of doing up my annual resolution list.  it’s about that time, kids.  i think i’ll keep some of the same ones i’ve used in the past…you know, the easy ones, such as ‘fashion coke-nail out of left pinkie’ & ‘become best friends with an olsen twin’.  i should even keep the ‘lose 20 pounds’, but perhaps add ‘and gain back by next december’.  that’s sure to come to fruition…otherwise i’m just setting myself up for disappointment, right?

okay.  let’s get it over with…

*lose weight it’s terribly cliché, right?  but two years ago i resolved to lose 20 lbs & succeed, only to gain it back this year.  gross.

*drink less last year i said i would drink less only during the work week, & that it would not, under any circumstance, include nights of shows or anything social.  so then i resolved to drink more.  well, it’s gotten me all fat again, so maybe i just fucked myself there.

*gossip less this one is leftover from last year, too…but you didn’t hear that from me.

*buy more lusciously tall shoes because short girls can never be too tall.

*investigate hair bleaching although i have so much black hair dye in my locks that it would totally turn orange.  sigh. but i really wanna get skinny & morph myself into debbie harry in the 70’s.

*buy a good meat cleaver i don’t have one.  i need it.

*have dinner & drinks with the friends we always talk about going out with & never do i miss you.  you know who you are, you greasy little pepperonis!

*possibly try & get more sleep because after several drinks & some roofies, i’m no longer able to dream lucidly.

*become bffs with m-k or at least meet an olsen.  that would be okay, too.  i’ll settle for even seeing one from afar.

*learn to play my guitar again.  and better this time.

*fashion a coke-nail out of my left pinkie seems easy enough.  i could make it cool.  i could.

*roast a pheasant lame.  i can’t believe i didn’t accomplish that this year.

*wear more hats i have an enormous vintage hat collection inherited from sam’s glamorous great-grammy, & never wear them.   i’ll start wearing all my brooches, too, maybe.  & with my new coke-nail!  brilliant!

i think that about does it…wasn’t that fun?  i’m getting all sweaty just thinking about it.  for the moments leading up to the end of the year in mere hours, here’s some inspiration i’ve hunted down for myself…

june cleavers

pheasant!

new bff

future me

isabella blow. my hat idol. and in a mac store!

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audra: did mary-kate eat ashley?

so, i’ve been seeing on the news & in the tabloids lately that mary-kate olsen has really been packing on the pounds.  not that i read the tabloids, but when i’m loading up the conveyor belt with cheese & beer, i like to skim the headlines.  when i saw that m-k was getting “fat” (indeed her weight skyrocketed past 100 lbs – really!) i picked a copy up & actually considered purchase.

it breaks my heart, this new m-k.  some sources are speculating that she is “preggers”.  i hate that word so, so much, and to see it printed in the same sentence as mary-kate’s name…it makes me sick.  i like to think that she’s just been going out for too many tcby runs.  just look at how excited she is with that gigantic bag of frozen yogurt…

i’m not sure where this next side-by-side photograph is from, but i do recall the website quoting star inthe article.  so who knows how accurate it is…but look at how gross fat/pregnant mary-kate is:

typically i like a gal with some extra squishy stuff around the sides, but this just seems wrong.  i love my m-k super-skinny, sickly & teetering on ridiculously high heels.  i want her popping pills, smoking cigarettes & getting 2 hours of sleep every night.  i love me an anna, & i’m not sure if i can deal with this.  if the pregancy rumors are true, i have a backup obsession: model jessica stam.  i got bored of karen elson.  or, i could always go back to dita.  we’ll see…

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Filed under celebrity gossip, mary-kate olsen