Tag Archives: lush list

surprise! part deux

posted by:  Sam & audra

audra: good evening, kittens!  welcome to part two of the game surprises.  another drunken romp!  lush list wanted more, she gets it.  ask & you shall receive, my sweet.

aren’t you so fucking excited that you’re near wetting your knickers?!  i am.

Sam: I would, If I were wearing any.  For real.  We just returned from a fantastic afternoon of booze on the East Burn patio & a drunken trip to the record store.  We managed to take the new Peaches, The Horrors, Camera Obscura and a used copy of Shakespear’s Sister Hormonally Yours off their hands.  Perfect.

audra: you have.  no.  idea.  how excited i am to have the shakespear’s sister record back!   that shit changed my life.  i wanted to be them.  and the new peaches…so far i’m real impressed.  it’s a real show stopper.  panty dropper.  speaking of dropping panties, how amazing were the horrors last night?!  right?!  we’ll talk about the record in a bit…in the meantime, join me for my first ever listen to the new camera obscura my maudlin career

mmm.  yum.  first song, “french navy”…it makes me feel like i’m in a 1960’s film with catherine deneuve, & we’re walking down a busy street in paris with tons of shopping bags…you know, totally cliché, but oh so delicious.  what you think, hambone?

Sam: Hambone?  Well, I agree completely.   So far, so good.  It feels old, but in a new way.  Just like Paris.  Good call.  It makes me want to dress all in black, chain smoke and stroll down Rue Cler or down Avenue des Champs-Élysées.  Wow, we’re only on track four and I think I likey.  A lot.  Hmm… track five just started and it feels a little like a nursery rhyme.  Uh-oh.

audra: well, sorta.  not really?  i don’t know.  i just love their sound…they have yet to disappoint me.  i love the organ!  those super-sexy scots really know how to bring it & create a mood.  i would kill to see them in a really tiny, smoky bar & be color blind for a night.  black & white would be best.

Sam: i love the organ!”  There is the understatement of the year!

audra: well, i do love organs.  all shapes & sizes…but the bigger, the better.  that’s widely known.

Sam: Too big and you’re known for being wide.  Wow.  Really?  Anyway, back to Camera Obscura… I’m loving this record so far.  It would be rad to see them in some small smoky bar, but those days here in Portland are long gone.  They are coming though!  We can go see them in a rad old converted gymnasium!  With… wait for it… Agent Ribbons!  Sounds like heaven to me.

audra: we’ll see, we’ll see!  okay, i think i just nailed down my favorite track so far, “my maudlin career”…title track.  ‘you say i’m too kind & sentimental, like you could catch affection’?!  sigh!  i really like all the lyrics so far, & am so happy to be able to hold the actual disc in my hands & read the liner notes!  my fave.  support your local record store, you guys.  the boys are always cute & it will make you look cool!  do it!

Sam: Amen!  This one sounds like Ricky Nelson.  Ahh, Ricky Nelson.  Heart, heart!  I love that man.  Wow, it’s really hard to write anything right now with Audra attempting to mimic the vocals on this disc.  I need another drink.

audra: yeah.  whatever.  i did prit-tee good, never hearing the song before, yes?!

Sam: Don’t quit your day job.  Please.

audra: k.  end of the disc…well done, camera obscura!  buy this!  download it illegally!  whatever it is you do!  it’s damn good.  a good record to entertain to…your friends will love you & think you’re way smarter than you really are!  and you’ll look prettier too!  i promise!  next!

okay, you guys.  i’m kind of embarrassed about this next one, but shakespear’s sister is fucking awesome.  really!  i first bought this album in 1992 when it came out…probably around my sophie b. hawkins days.  mmm…so good!  it made me feel cool.  i did really want to be them…black hair, black eyes, too much makeup, black clothes…done!  good work, audra.  anyway, i saw this tonight & couldn’t resist.  six bucks.  believe it.

Sam: This pleases me too.  I had the “Stay” cassette single… the b-side was an “album sampler”.  God, I listened to it constantly.  I really think we would have been best friends had we known each other at that age.  And, just think.  The outcome would would have probably ended up the same!  I would normally make fun of you for a choice like this, but who encouraged you to buy it tonight?! That’s right.  Me!  I love it.  How can you go wrong with former members of Bananarama naming a band after a Smith’s song??  You can’t.

audra: dude.  “stay”.  sigh!  no, sighz!  with a z!  i listened to it constantly…i would fall asleep to it, pretend to fall asleep to it, masturbate to it…everything.  it reminds me of every terrible crush i had at the time, & countless, heartbreaking school dances.  it wrecked me & put me back together every time.  still perhaps in my top 10 favorite songs of all time…?  or is that the vodka talking…

Sam: No.  It really is a good song.  I remember the video kind of fucking me up.  In a good way.  Lets see if it still does.

Yep.  Still does!   Ok.  Moving on.  The new Bat for Lashes, Two Suns. Go!

audra: well, i’ve been over bat for lashes for quite some time.  all her songs sound the same to me, & once i was able to hear “what’s a girl to do” on the radio at my desk about 10 times a day…i’m totally ruined on it.  buuuut, her cover of “i’m on fire” still makes me wet!   anyway, it is good…i’m just tired of her.  travel exhausts me!

Sam: That bitch knows a good song to cover, I’ll tell you that much.  Her cover of The Cure’s “A Forest” is amazing.  And, the fist track on this record?! I love it.  Tonight is the first time I made it past the first twenty seconds of it… color me impressed.  Her voice makes me want to touch myself.  It has an early nineties feel to it, actually a little of reminiscent of Shakespear’s Sister…

audra: it is kind of good.  okay, really good.  but i never listen to it, ever.  it bores me.   but!  i do rather like the cover art!  it reminds me of pierre & gilles…did they do it??  hmm.  whatevs.  i’m ready to get schooled in the teaches of peaches, yeah?!

okay, kids…peaches, i feel cream.   when i saw sam’s post about the new peaches single, i was super-nervous.  singy-songy, in a slightly bad way… but when i heard the lines “i don’t give a fuck if you’re following me, i don’t give a fuck if you’re maulin’ me…” on the first track, ‘serpentine’ in typical peaches fashion, i knew my “suckin’ on my titties” girl didn’t let me down.  yes!

Sam: Let you down, she didn’t.  I’m going out on a limb here, but this might be my favorite release from her yet.  Mixed by Simian Mobile Disco & Digitalism…??!!  Bitch, please.  It’s damn near perfect.  ‘Talk to Me‘ is my jam.

audra: that song is starting to come around to me.   it’s definitely more of a grower, not a shower.  the rest of the record is fucking rad!  you want to throw a house party, get your guests drunk, throw them in the basement & put this on at 2am.  they will love you!  it sounds like sweaty same-sex makeout seshes in the corner.   yum.

Sam: You nailed that one.  This record makes you actually hope you get roofied at the bar and taken home to get railed.  Hard.  It’s sexy, in a dark, sleazy way.  Again, it’s a good thing I don’t wear underwear… or they’d be around my knees at every listen of this disc.

audra: yuss!  totally!  alright.  depeche mode sounds of the universe.  upon first listen, i wasn’t floored or anything like i thought i might be.  playing the angel seemed a lot more ooohy-ooh to me…but the more i listen to this one, the more i like it.  which is typically good coming from me; as in if i hear something & don’t warm up to it right away, i usually end up loving it to bits!  the video for “wrong” totally fucked my shit up & i love them for that!  i can’t stop watching it.  good work, boys…good work.

Sam: True.  You usually hate shit I love instantly… this being no exception.  I was super impressed with this record.  Minus the paint-shop inspired cover.  Gross.  Who told them that was a good idea?  They were stretching it with the feather boy on the ‘Playing the Angel‘ disc…. this takes it to a totally different level.  It’s a damn good thing the record holds it’s own against the cover.  If not, they would have seen my fist coming for their face for sure.  We’ll be seeing them in Seattle this summer and I’m so excited I’ve peed a ring around myself.  Oh. My. God. Ok, on to The Horrors!

audra: oh, the horrors.  most awesomest set ever?!  maybe!  i should’ve worn knickers last night, because my thighs were totally sticky the whole time!  their new sound is  like joy division, the jesus & mary chain, and my bloody valentine had a really sexy, boozed up baby.   not the kind of baby with fetal-alcohol syndrome, but the cool kind!  the kind that comes out of the vadge wearing a little eye-makeup, tight pants & smoking a cig!  yes!  how bad can that be?!

Sam: It’s like our dream baby… if we wanted one.  We’ve always said, “if we were to have a child it would be a hot, skinny, British boy”.   Any one of The Horrors would do the trick.  Especially Coffin Joe.

Ahh, I love him.  A lot.  Last night was perfect.  They totally switched up their sound, but it works.  I think I may even like it better.  A friend last night nailed it with a quote of, “Who is this?!  It sounds like they got fucked by Depeche Mode!”  Brilliant.  That sounds like a hot wet dream come true to me!

audra: isn’t he so delicious?!  i would probably break him in half, but maybe that would be hot.  we should try it.  fix me another drink, will you, lover?  i’m dry.

Sam: You, dry?  Never.  That’s an oxymotrin if I’ve ever heard one.

audra: do we have any?  oxymotrins?  nurse, come quick!  oh wait…  anyway!  i think this record will be our summer soundtrack!  for suresies!  i cunt wait!  it already sounds like hot, sweaty things rubbing on eachother, so why not?!  sigh…

Sam: I’m almost confident enough to say I couldn’t care less about what is on the horizon… between this record and the Fever Ray album, we’re set for this summer.  Believe it.  It’s that good.  And, if you don’t believe me… have a looksies for yourself.  And, if that still doesn’t convince you… then you might be dead to me.

S & a: on that note, good night, kittens!  We love you.  Real hard!

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queers, five years & saturday’s mistake: part one

posted by:  audra

good evening, my little tartlettes!  i do hope you all had a swell weekend.  and since you’ve been biting your nails down to the quick in anticipation of what we did over our weekend, i’ll tell you — but this will have to be done in segments because gossip girl is on tonight & we all want to see what happens!

friday night was lame.  it was supposed to be part two of this, just for the lush list, & that didn’t happen.  but she hasn’t been blogging lately (shame!) so i don’t think she’ll notice anyway, right?  sigh!  no, friday night was for drinking & i can honestly say i have no recollection of what we even did for dinner that night.  it’s completely gone.  i do however, remember scanning in a whole bunch of pictures from like 9 years ago, uploading them onto facebook & then promptly deleting them out of embarrassment.  i did put that polaroid up for you, though (you’re welcome).  that night was the night of one of the best parties ever, and happened to be my marc jacobs shoe debut.  2003.  yes.  sigh…so young, so young.  and just so you know, i do have totally normal hands…even though my left one in the photograph looks like a paw.  it was just bad posing on my part.  at least i kept my legs together!  holla!

saturday was our five year wedding anniversary.  believe it.  don’t worry though — we’re not gross like that!  we did not do the traditional anniversary gift exchange like most couples do (the five-year one = wood.  smirk!), nor did we exchange stupid cards or anything lame like that.  i did not get pissed when sam came home without flowers in his hand.  no.  we’d planned on purchasing tickets to pj & john parish, which is happening very, very soon-ish & i’m asking baby jesus not to sell out of them before we get around to actually making this purchase because we’re lazy & didn’t really get around to it this weekend.

sigh!  anyway!  sam & i slept in a bit, chain-smoked on the patio & after completing an extensive menu for the evening (anthony bordain’s haricot verts & asparagus, seared filet mignon, & lobster with endive & maybe a pavlova – maybe), we decided to go out.  it was sort of warm outside & i wasn’t thrilled about searing bloody meat over high heat indoors.  i get hot.  you understand.  i also wanted to avoid frolicking off to the store as much as possible…so, we agreed upon this place, since embarrassingly enough, neither of us had ever been.  i wasn’t in the mood for stuffiness & definitely not in the mood for assholes, so this seemed perfect.

if we left the house early enough, one would think there would be no need to make reservations, right?  i mean, who eats dinner at 5:30?  but 5:30 turned into 6:30, which turned to 7:00.  i had a major makeup-meltdown in the bathroom when i was about 10 minutes away from being completely ready & almost cried.  i threw makeup brushes at the closed bathroom door.  i had wicked cramps.   blood was gushing out of my vagina & i was thoroughly convinced i was having a quintuplet miscarriage.  and i was out of advil and super-plus tampons.  fuck!  normally, this would be a complete disaster…but after my little tantrum, i pulled it together & managed to leave the house without any real drama.

we arrive at our destination, & it’s.  totally.  packed.  with a wait-list at least 7 parties deep.  jesus christ…really!  it’s after 7pm on a saturday & mama needs a drank.  my general impression of the crowd-corralling wasn’t good.  the owner checked us in & acted like a college student hostess in her first week on the job.  no one really knew what was going on & it was tough to even get a time estimate out of her for which to rest upon.  a youngish boy then checked on us & said it will be 30-40 minutes, so we settled on going someplace else for a drink whilst we wait.

i thought i had been to the worst bar ever, until this place.  i won’t name names, but just know that it’s housed in the space that was formerly the chesterfield.  perhaps it was the three skeezed-out meth heads sitting at the bar, or the really inept barmaid, but the second i stepped in the door, i wanted to leave.  typically i don’t get really creeped out by places, but this one made me feel like something terrible had happened there.  i’m guessing a tall, hairy man with a prosthetic arm ripped off his plastic limb to rape a young, stringy, blonde thing with before he bludgeoned her to death with it.   in the bathroom, probably.  again, just guessing…but i’m usually pretty good at this stuff.  anyway!  moving on…

as soon as we order our drinks, i know it’s trouble.  first i asked for a wine list, as i see the other patrons have wine in front of them.   bartender looks confused.  “uhmm…..” she picks up a menu.  scans it.  turns it over.  more reading, squinting…  “oh!  it says to check the chalkboard.” hmm.  really?  wouldn’t you know that already if you’d been employed here for…i don’t know, an hour?!  i walked to the other end of the bar where the chalk board resides — nowhere near the entrance or where you would normally order  — and i asked for a glass of pinot noir, which turned out to be opened for too long.  i should have had her open another bottle, but i didn’t have the patience for that either.  i really just should have gotten a safe beer like sam did!  sigh!  so, we settle our tab & it takes foreverrrrr

oh my god!  what happens next?!  come back tomorrow for part two, my buttery little lamb chops!  until then, kisses on your sticky bits.

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drugstore things & such that don’t totally suck

posted by:  audra

i dedicate this one to the lush list, my favorite beauty blog!  get excited.  ready?

i’m a total product snob…i can’t help it.  ever since my mom bought me a tube of lancôme définicils mascara when i was 15, i never (willingly) went back to cheap mascara…or any cheap cosmetic for that matter.  but, occasionally, you’re in the middle of getting ready & realize that you’re out of ysl liquid eyeliner.  shit!  what to do?!  sephora is too far away, so that’s out of the question.  no.  you pull on your stretchy black yoga pants & go to the drugstore down the way.  here are some of my favorites…

speaking of liquid eyeliner, wet ‘n’ wild actually makes a really good one.  it’s like 2 bucks, so who cares if you’ve screwed the cap on so tight that it cracked & then dried up(!)?  the container is pretty cute, but i have to admit that having wet ‘n’ wild in my makeup bag is a little embarrassing…so i’m happy when the lettering wears off & leaves me with a clean, black vial.  oh my god, how shallow is that?!

anyway.  next!

burt’s bees carrot nutritive night creme is awesome.   i’ve used many a high-end night creme & i prefer this one.  it’s not really a ‘creme’, it’s more of just a creamy-ish oil.  so many oils.  like, 7 or 8(!).  the first time i put this on, i thought it was trouble.  so oily! my bangs stuck to my forehead & if i moved my head real quick to one side, my hair would stick to my cheeks.  gross.  but! you think you will awaken to a broken-out face & looking like a greasy little piggy…but you don’t.  you’ll wake up with smooth skin that’s perfectly moisturized & soft.

ardell lashes.  again, i’ve tried the high-end lashes; the mac ones were the worst!  terribly flimsy…so much so that i got so pissed & irritated trying to get them on that i ended up cutting them in half & just using the outside portions.  what a disaster.  that was over a year ago, & i remember that night like it was yesterday…i threw a tantrum in the bathroom & theatened not going out & staying home because i couldn’t get my ‘fucking lashes on right’.  so dramatic!  anyway, these always stay firm enough to set them on your natural lashes & they don’t fall before the glue sets, but flexible enough so you are able to move them around some, if need be.  i finish mine with a coat of mascara to blend the lashes & am usually able to rewear them 3 or 4 times…just be sure to put them back onto the platform overnight to hold their shape!

veet.  my best friend forever.  love of my life.  the magic foaming cream that makes my naughty bits smooth.  i love this shit. but!  do not use this on your testicles!  bad things happen!  and for god’s sake, don’t stand in the kitchen texting whilst veeting your special girl bits!  you may accidentally drop your phone into your business & be picking dried veet out from the keypad for months.

st. ives microdermabrasion.  yes, yes…again, i’ve used dozens of high-end scrubs, but i love this.   i exfoliate my shit twice a day, so i’m not about to pay 50 bucks an ounce for something that i’m just going to run out of in a week.  so there.  it just makes my face perfectly polished afterward & smells nice.  and i like to think that i’m getting rid of fine lines & the beginning stages of crow’s feet, too.

does it count if it’s a salon brand?!  whatever.  pureology colourmax.  i hadn’t used any pureology products until my husband won a raffle at a rose city rollers benefit last year.  it was a gift bag filled with pureology, innersense (which is amazing!), and porn.  pureology is 100% vegan & stuff, which is nice…but i really just like how it smells.  like roses.  it’s supposed to extend the life of your hair color…but does it really matter if my hair color’s permanent?  the thing i really want to prevent is root-growth; but that can only be solved by dyeing my hair again.  after i wash my hair at night, i hose it down with this stuff & then blow-dry it.  my hair literally feels like straw during the day with all the product in it & this stuff restores it to its naturally silky state!

okay!  my last thing is an impulse buy that i picked up the other night.  i don’t even know why i was in the aisle…but i grabbed the garnier nutritioniste nutri-pure detoxifying wet cleansing towelettes, just for funsies.  for whatever reason, i was  really excited to try them.  so, i ripped off my lashes & went to town.  i was skeptical…but! these cleaned my face perfectly!  it claims to instantly remove makeup & mascara, & it totally does!  and i wear a shit ton of makeup!  my nars eyeliner that doesn’t come off, even after showering & cotton-swabbing?  gone!  my mac mascara x that’s impossible to remove sometimes?  also gone!  and no eye irratation.  none.  you’d better believe i was really scrubbing my eyes hard, too.  they smell good & i thought my face would be dry afterwards…but instead it felt moist & supple.  my skin is  super-sensitive & i haven’t broken out yet…well, there’s one obscene blemish on my face that refuses to leave, but that was before i bought these…i’ll let you know how it goes.

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make-up art cosmetics…

posted by:  audra

…is a really dumb name for a company, don’t you think?  i particularly have a problem with the dash in makeup.  thank heavens they go by mac instead!  this is part two of my cosmetic review for the lush list, but this time we’re exploring mac(!).  i’m so excited for this…so very excited!  i absolutely adore mac products; they’re fairly inexpensive, good quality & dressed in black.  honestly, what could be better?!

i believe the first product of mac’s i tried was the select sheer pressed powder.  i wore this one for years.  the only real problem i had with it was cakiness after a couple touch-ups.  and i touch-up a lot…really, i have a problem.  oh, and it gets progressively darker throughout the day/evening, but i suspect that might’ve been the oxidation of my foundation…which we’ll discuss later.  so i switched.  to the blot powder ($21).  it’s more sheer, & it’s a little whiter than the select sheer, which is nice for my pasty & tasty complexion. i just now realized the irony:  that the blot powder is more sheer than the sheer powder.  huh.  interesting.  so, moving on…the blot powder does it’s job; it blots & acts (mostly) like a translucent powder, but it has a tendency to sit on top of the skin…not cool!  a lot of times i felt totally gothed out with my white face & dark eye-makeup…especially so when i had on red lipstick, too.   what a nightmare.  i would recommend the blot powder, but i’ve since switched to laura mercier translucent pressed setting powder ($30).  i’m much happier with her!

foundation.  i don’t really need it; i have nice skin.  i just don’t feel complete without it.  i love, love, loved mac’s select spf 15 foundation.  so, of course, they would stop making my shade (nc15).  sure, they make my shade in other products, but i tried the studio fix fluid & hated it.  it was much darker than the select spf stuff & made me break out.  it felt a lot oilier too…gross.  i went back to the select spf & tried another shade.  it still seemed too dark for me.  sigh!  i just gave up all together & bought some lorac.

okay.  lip gloss.  the lush list isn’t wild about glosses, but i live for them!  and i like to call them ‘lippies’.  other than dior, i firmly believe mac makes the best glosses glasses…plushglass, lustreglass, clear lipglass…oh god, i think my head may explode.  my standby is the clear lipglass.  it looks perfect over a sheer lipstick (my choice is a viva glam stick, but i’ve used it so much the shade number has worn off!) & doesn’t run when i put too much on(!).  it lasts longer than most glosses & stays on even during beer-drinking & lip-licking.  my other favorites are plushglass in nice buzz ($17.50) & lustreglass in instant gold ($14).  both are perfectly shiny with just enough sparkle.  the plushglass is fun with a little cinnamony-tingly treat in it!   and i like lustreglass for it’s little brush applicator.

i’m in lust with eye brows.  the pencil is super thin, self-sharpening & comes in a jet black shade called velvetone.  it goes on smooth, even when i’m shaking from being over-caffeinated & hungover in the morning.  loves!  $14.50.

mac’s eye shadows are rad.  pretty long-wearing, although not as long-wearing as nars…but good nonetheless.  again, they stopped making my favorite shade, suspicion.  it was this amazing black-brown with little gold flecks in it.  so cute!  right now i use a mix of black tied, smut (both velvet finishes), white frost (frost finish, obvs!) & a surprisingly nice shade of brown, called brun (satin finish).  clarity (matte) is fucking awesome.  i hardly ever wear it; i have a hard time pulling off really bright eye color, but i still love it!  clarity is the bright blue shadow on the left.  so cute!

one mac product i’m not happy with is mascara x, $12.50.  the brush shape is fine, but the mascara itself is somehow messier than any other mascara i’ve used ever.  i don’t know why.  it always ends up under my eyes when i’m doing my lower lashes & i just hate it!  so annoying.  zoom lash i’m not wild about either; the brush is just too tiny & pathetic.  the description of zoom lash is “this instant volume mascara power-lifts the lashes into length, curls them up…builds them faster than you can wink!”  whatever.  i just got a clumpy un-curled mess!  it’s terrible.  plush lash,$12,  on the other hand, is good stuff.  buy this one.  the tube does tend to dry out pretty quickly & cause flaking, but i just buy another fresh tube!

mac eye liners are amazing too!  my very favorite is the technakohl liner in graphblack.  it’s creamy, but stays in place pretty well.  blendable/smudge-able.  and!  self-sharpening.  love that.  i’ve been wanting to try their liquid liner, but haven’t yet…maybe soon-ish?  i tried the powerpoint liner awhile back, & wasn’t loving it…it sharpened weird.  and it’s waterproof, which makes it nearly impossible to remove…even with makeup remover. eye kohl is nice too, if you don’t mind sharpening it.  i buy it in smolder.  all the liners i’ve mentioned here are $14.50.

paints, $16.50.  these are cute little tubes of liquid eye color.  i wanted to love them, but i haven’t been impressed.  i bought some quite awhile ago & used it maybe once or twice.  from what i remember, it was difficult to blend & i recall some nasty flaking going on as well.  i may try to use it again, just to be certain that i hate it…but if i were you, i would avoid this mess!  i have heard really good things about the paint pots though:  nice pigment, long-wearing & blendable.

on to nail lacquer!  i love me some nail polish.  just recently, sam & i went shopping; i accidentally came home with something like 10 or 12 bottles of new polish.  whoopsie!  mac’s nail lacquer ($11), i think, is totally worth the eleven bucks.   where else can you get something named varicose violet?!  and steamy is a really good hot pink…it’s my favorite.  it seems to last maybe a little bit longer than drugstore polish, & it goes on smoothly.

okay.  i think that does it…but i’m sure i’m forgetting something.  i’ll dig around in my old makeup tonight & see if i can find anything else for you.  in the meantime, go to mac & buy some delicious lippy!  the makeup artists in the stores/at the counters are so hot & they’ll also do your makeup for you, free of charge!

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friends with benefit

posted by:  audra

i’ve been sort of lacking for blog material lately…so when the writer of my new favorite blog the lush list asked me about which products from benefit cosmetics i liked/didn’t like/didn’t like but kept using anyway, i thought i’d use it to my advantage.  lush list gets her review, & i have something to post!  everyone wins, everyone’s happy.

i’d like to start by saying that benefit has the best packaging ever.  everything is cute in a kitschy-but-glam way.  i feel prettier just looking through the catalog…really(!).   but, i have a problem with more than one of their products.  for the most part, i feel like the products are sort of half-assed…like they spent all their time & energy designing the packaging, & then threw together a mediocre cosmetic to fill it.  i haven’t used benefit for the bulk of my cosmetics in several years — i’ve since switched to mostly nars & mac — but i was a loyal benefit devotee for a number of years, & i feel like i should pay my respects…

the cutest (& longest lasting) product of benefit’s i have is the glamorous gabbi makeup bag ($26).  i’ve had it for something like 4 years, & it’s still in really good shape.  just look how glamorous she is!  i also have the luscious lana large makeup tote($38).   it’s big enough to fit all of my necessary bathroomy items at home or while traveling, & totally worth paying for…both of them still look new!

the benetint rose-tinted lip & cheek stain.  this is an amazing product.  i used it all the time…until the lid cracked & it spilled all over my makeup bag & cabinet.  it’s waterproof, which added to this unfortunate accident.  i miss that bottle!  it gives you this perfectly natural & naughty looking rosy blush to the cheek.  benetint ($28.00) looks especially amazing when combined with high beam:

high beam is something i have to use only occasionally.  it’s a bit greasy feeling & makes my cheeks break out if i use it more than once a week…but i do have super-sensitive skin…it’s probably just right for most!  mix it into your moisturizer, or rub a small dollop into your legs for a little sheen.  so cute! $24.

speaking of legs with sheen, this is one of my favorites from benefit:  body so fine velvet body balm.  whilst it’s not really moisturizing, it’s super glamorous & smells divine.  i’ve had the same tin for at least 3 years, so a little goes a long way. $30.

benetint lip balm.  this one’s a huge disappointment.  i love how it smells (like roses!) & the color is pretty too.  but it totally dries up my lips to that nasty tight feeling like i’ve been licking them out in the cold wind all day.  you can get the same effect just by dabbing on a dot of benetint stain & sliding your own lip balm over the top.  $20.

kitten classic sparkling powder in a puff.  i love this.  love! again, i’ve had this little gem for several years & she still has most of her nine lives left.  lightly scented, the puff distributes tiny (& tastful, not whore-ish) sparkles on your skin.  $26.

lipscription.  one tube is an exfoliating lip scrub, the other is a lip moisturizing tube of lusciousness.  who doesn’t want to use something called ‘dr. feelgood’?!  i heart this really hard! $32.

another amazing product i love:  “touch me then try to leave”… cream.  best when used after bathina sweet satin shave (which perhaps they don’t make anymore…?), it’s heaven-scented & luxuriously buttery.  $30.

something i used for a couple of years before i realized that it was crap is get even.  it only comes in 3 shades, which means it’s hard to get a perfect match to your  skin tone.  i’m a pasty pinkish pale white & this just doesn’t do it. $30.

another thing i really hated after purchase was brow zings brow shaping kit.  this too, only comes in 3 shades.  the brushes are so ridiculously tiny that you will definitely have to get your own real sized ones.  the powder didn’t stay put & the wax part was just oily.  sigh…what a nightmare this was!  $30.

surprisingly (or maybe not so surprising to you), benefit makes excellent skincare products.  quickly, my 3 favorites:  dear john facial cream, $32, makes an amazing night cream; honey… snap out of it! morning exfoliating scrub, $28, doubles as a mask!; and they used to make this really delicious gel pineapple scrub…but i don’t see it on the website anymore.  tear!

quite possibly one of the best blushes/face powders ever, dandelion.  i’m totally converted to nars orgasm blush now, but still use this one every now & then. $28.

last & sort of least is the gloss ($16).  i went through countless tubes of this one.  it looked good, but didn’t last.  so i’d put more on.  if i put just a little too much on, it would run.  as in, off my lower lip.  like i was drooling. not cute.  and then if i kept a tube for too long & went back to use it after some time had gone by, it smelled funny.  sort of like rotting fruit.  then i discovered that i could get a much higher quality gloss for a couple bucks less at mac.  after the gloss incident(s), i sort of just stopped shopping benefit…but after this whole bit, i kinda miss it!

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