Tag Archives: lube

couture bag lady meets headgear extravaganza

posted by:  audra

okay, audra, becoolbecoolbecool…

you guys ready to lose your shit?!  never mind the crappy perez hilton-esque art i’ve created, but alex was just screaming for a heart to be drawn around him!  i just saw the new alexander mcqueen fall 2009 runway collection… & there just are no words to describe how amazing this stuff is.  okay, maybe a few.  houndstooth.  houndstooth!!  and lots of it!  blacks!  reds!  big hats!  gothic!  big, fat, wax-like lips!  birds!  feathers!  flocking together!  ridiculous hats!  models without eyebrows!

…and i can’t help but think that the hats he designed are a sweet little nod to my idol, isabella blow.  she discovered alex, you know!

ready, kids?!  brace yourselves…you may need to run & grab a towel right quick…your knickers will experience dampness…in fact, you might just come in your panties:

while you’re all in a fashion-tizzy, get your lube ready & watch this.  it’s like fashion porn!  awesome!  and there’s even mention of edie beale.  shit, i think my head may explode.  isn’t this stuff just so fucking rad you can barely stand it?!  oh…it makes my chest feel like hot cherry pie…& then i think of the smell of brand new plastic beach balls & realize that not every single person on earth is a complete moron.  thank you, alex!  i heart you real hard.

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the black hole of toiletries

posted by:  audra

i’m a hoarder.  i’ll be the first to admit it, & i sort of like it a little.  my bathroom items are the absolute hardest hit; makeup, lotions, potions, razors, creams…it goes on & on.

so sunday afternoon i decided to get rid of all this shit that falls out of the bathroom cabinets every time i grab some hairspray.  whilst doing so, i compiled a horrendously long list.  i still can’t believe all of this even fit in our tiny powder room!  let’s take a look…

  • 4 veet hair removal “razors”
  • 1 pregnancy test, 3 years past its expiration date.  i took it — just in case.  i’m not pregnant.
  • 12 nail files
  • 3 empty tampon boxes
  • 3 vibrators
  • 6 (at least) bottles of dried up nail polish i’ve had since high school
  • 18 bottles of good nail polish
  • 1 package of gold sequins…spilled in the drawer(!)
  • 19 full vials of perfume samples
  • 4 empty hairspray cans; 2 sebastian & 2 bed head
  • 1 full tube of lancôme faux gloss…it’s supposed to be silver, now it has a green tint to it
  • 2 empty exfoliating scrubs
  • 5 bottles of tanning solution, all full + tanning goggles
  • 2 empty handcream jars
  • 1 antique lipstick holder
  • 3 empty mac foundations
  • 2 sets of toe separators
  • 1 dior lipgloss box
  • 1 full bottle of ky lube…the warming kind
  • 2 benefit cosmetics compacts
  • 2 nars compacts, both with crumbled powder in them
  • 1 empty mac mascara
  • 2 eyelash curlers
  • 14 (almost) empty mac compacts…to my horror, these cost me nearly $300…this isn’t including the dozens of mac compacts that actually made it into the trash bin.
  • 4 full sets of lashes; 4 boxes of individual lashes; 3 tubes of lash glue
  • 2 curling irons; 1 crimper; 1 set hot rollers
  • 14 (!) burt’s bees lip balms, various, mostly the honey kind
  • 3 empty narciso rodriguez for her perfume bottles

…and that’s not even everything.  pretty horrifying, right?!  i promise to be better about throwing stuff away from here on out.

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