Tag Archives: isabella blow

dear audra…

posted by:  audra

i was fretting that you were thinking of doing something stupid; so, just in case…

  • shampoos that claim to extend the life of your color-treated hair don’t stop the growth of your hair.  or your ‘ultra-platinum’ roots.
  • worms are disgusting & will ruin your brick patio.  i don’t know of an organic method to kill them, other than slicing them in half…but when i do, i’ll let you know.
  • marley dies at the end of marley & me, regardless of what your friends may tell you.  they are lying, and you’ll sob till your eyes puff up into unrecognizable globs of flesh.
  • beth ditto is the new jesus.
  • if you’re a dirty hippie & work at new seasons, don’t tell the “goth” girl that she’s wearing too much makeup.  it’s bad form & makes you look like even more of an asshole than your retarded hemp necklace-thing.  who asked you anyway?!  the day a drag queen tells me i’m wearing too much makeup will be the only day i start to cut back.  fuck you!  i’m still pissed. 
  • stop wasting your time on friends who don’t treat you with the love & respect you give them!  i can’t stress this enough, & i’m disgusted with myself that i’ve put up with shitty friends yet again.  will they check on you when you’re sick?  no.  will they respond to your embarrassing drunk-texts?  no.  will they call you to apologize because they’re being retarded?  no.  be done with them!  i am. 
  • boy joy is awesome live, but NOT OKAY to listen to recreationally! 
  • tell your friends to fuck off if they tell you that the notebook is a bad movie.  okay, it IS kind of bad…but it’s so good at the same time.
  • echo has an amazing happy hour, decent menu, delicious pumpkin gnocchi…and the music there is like our ipod on shuffle.  heart, heart!
  • vacuum the dark & scary places in your house.  sometimes icky, poisonous spiders reside there & may shock you with their presence at 2:30am.  don’t become a victim!
  • setting your cocktail down on the side of the tub while bathing is gambling with fate!  make sure you keep a stern eye on that shit, and don’t let it slide into the bath & shatter into a zillion pieces.  do you really want bloody footprints on the floor in the morning after your shower?!  think about it! 
  • speaking of broken glass….  for god’s sake, if you have a tommy-tippy vase full of flowers or whatever–and you’re drunk–don’t go anywhere near it! 
  • it’s october & the purr-fect time to be listening to clinic.  any album–but walking with thee  is the bestest for the season.  don’t worry; it’s not a jesus record.  i hope. 
  • shannon wright dyed in the wool   is also delicious this time of year.  turn it up super-loud on a cold, rainy day.  you’re welcome!
  • the hot girl with bangs & black hair across the street…?  her name is betsy.  BETSY!!!  how cute is that?!   but don’t be fooled; she WILL  see you do embarrassing things…like swatting at an insect on your patio chair with a shoe at 2am without makeup & wearing a fleece.  watch yourself at ALL TIMES.  there’s always someone there seeing you being an idiot!  YOU!  you’re the idiot!  be careful!  just sayin…
  • …and kevin federline across the street?  he’s ALWAYS there, watching your back.  respect him.
  • never, EVER “settle down”.  it is LAME & not necessary!  do you think vivienne westwood & betsey johnson are going to “settle down”?!  no!  don’t be lame.  just because you’re of a “certain age” doesn’t mean you have to stop being cool!  if i turn into a mommy who wears juicy couture, drives a suburban & dines at the olive garden…please make me a paraquat cocktail, isabella blow style.
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audra: blow me

i love me some isabella blow.  after last night’s hot mess of a resolution post, i got to thinking about wearing hats more often (à la blow) & her incredible iconic stature.  famous among fashionistas for eccentric hat-wearing, she died may 7th, 2007; just a single day following a one person cocktail party she hosted with a bottle of the herbicide paraquat.  isabella was dying of ovarian cancer, & instead of succumbing to the disease, she decided it best to off herself on her own terms…something her grandfather & father-in-law had done themselves in the past.

born in london, isabella bounced around from job to job – once even as a maid – & eventually moved to new york city in 1979 when she was 21.  by 1981, she was working directly for andre leon talley at vogue(!), and went on to be anna wintour’s assistant(!!).  as if she couldn’t possibly get any more rad, blow was apparently bffs with andy warhol & jean-michel basquiat.

in all this investigation, i found out that isabella is the genius behind discovering some of my favorite-favorite style icons like alexander mcqueen(!), sophie dahl & stella tennant.  it has also been noted that the reason she always wore such face-obstructing hats was to hide her face; she thought she was ugly.  that broke my heart.

but then i read this quote from her on wikipedia, offering a cooler guise for the bizarre hats:

…to keep everyone away from me. they say, oh, can i kiss you? i say, no, thank you very much. that’s why i’ve worn the hat. goodbye. i don’t want to be kissed by all and sundry. i want to be kissed by the people i love.

i love that.  you see?  this is why i should be wearing hats all the time.  it would help filter out all the unwanted kissersby.  i love what she says in the clip below too, “i hate crap.  i like craftsmanship.”  and how her “…ingredients are clothes.”  lovely.  be sure to note her impeccable taste in haircuts as well.

i still miss her terribly.  however, whilst doing a bit of research, i read that she’d attempted suicide many times in 2007 before the weedkiller cocktail incident; various overdoses, purposely driving her car into the back end of a truck…she even tried drowning herself.  i’m happy she went out with a little bit of drama instead of becoming another cancer victim.  good for her.  that’s some damn good craftsmanship, wouldn’t you say?

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audra: le xxx-mas dîner, resolutions & a coke-nail

had i been planning better, i would’ve pulled the camera out earlier last week, gotten off my ass & posted some sort of something for you to feast your eyes upon. but, of course, instead of using my snow days productively, sam & i laid about.  a lot.  aside from watching caligula & what we do is secret – twice, i have no idea what we actually did last week.  but i did discover that i wanna eat shane west even more so now after seeing secret.  even with his totally fucked-up-darby-teeth, he’s so delicious.  i no longer have to use a walk to remember as a masturbatory tool.  thank heavens.  that was getting embarrassing.

but anyway.   sam & i had a lovely christmas at home, relatively drama-free.  i even took some really gorgeous photographs of the super sexy standing rib roast with roasted fennel & crème brûlée…but it as it turns out, i was drunk, & the pictures didn’t turn out so hot.

i’m really lacking for material here, but i was thinking of doing up my annual resolution list.  it’s about that time, kids.  i think i’ll keep some of the same ones i’ve used in the past…you know, the easy ones, such as ‘fashion coke-nail out of left pinkie’ & ‘become best friends with an olsen twin’.  i should even keep the ‘lose 20 pounds’, but perhaps add ‘and gain back by next december’.  that’s sure to come to fruition…otherwise i’m just setting myself up for disappointment, right?

okay.  let’s get it over with…

*lose weight it’s terribly cliché, right?  but two years ago i resolved to lose 20 lbs & succeed, only to gain it back this year.  gross.

*drink less last year i said i would drink less only during the work week, & that it would not, under any circumstance, include nights of shows or anything social.  so then i resolved to drink more.  well, it’s gotten me all fat again, so maybe i just fucked myself there.

*gossip less this one is leftover from last year, too…but you didn’t hear that from me.

*buy more lusciously tall shoes because short girls can never be too tall.

*investigate hair bleaching although i have so much black hair dye in my locks that it would totally turn orange.  sigh. but i really wanna get skinny & morph myself into debbie harry in the 70’s.

*buy a good meat cleaver i don’t have one.  i need it.

*have dinner & drinks with the friends we always talk about going out with & never do i miss you.  you know who you are, you greasy little pepperonis!

*possibly try & get more sleep because after several drinks & some roofies, i’m no longer able to dream lucidly.

*become bffs with m-k or at least meet an olsen.  that would be okay, too.  i’ll settle for even seeing one from afar.

*learn to play my guitar again.  and better this time.

*fashion a coke-nail out of my left pinkie seems easy enough.  i could make it cool.  i could.

*roast a pheasant lame.  i can’t believe i didn’t accomplish that this year.

*wear more hats i have an enormous vintage hat collection inherited from sam’s glamorous great-grammy, & never wear them.   i’ll start wearing all my brooches, too, maybe.  & with my new coke-nail!  brilliant!

i think that about does it…wasn’t that fun?  i’m getting all sweaty just thinking about it.  for the moments leading up to the end of the year in mere hours, here’s some inspiration i’ve hunted down for myself…

june cleavers

pheasant!

new bff

future me

isabella blow. my hat idol. and in a mac store!

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