posted by: audra
oopsies! i meant to post my newest resolutions way earlier. like always, i’m taking the same ones from rezzies past & evaluating them first. oooh, i can’t wait! let’s get started…
*lose weight i lost 10lbs over the year & gained it back. go me. that’s what i’m famous for, & i didn’t let myself down. again. but! i have been doing jillian michaels since last week & lost 3lbs., but then i followed it up with excessive drinking & eating copious amounts of un-named fast food…and STILL lost another half-pound!
*drink less i have done this. for realsies! i can still drink any one of you fuckers under the table, but i’ve curbed my addiction slightly! or perhaps i’ve just been drinking stronger things…so i can drink less…technically…but really i’m drinking more. whatever.
*gossip less yes. did this, too! i still gossip like the dickens, but i HAVE been doing it less!
*buy more lusciously tall shoes actually, sadly, i’ve been wearing flats & kitten heels more. not because i don’t want to be teetering around precariously, but because i’ve been retardedly broke! and walking places! and the floors in some of my favorite bars are sloped and/or slippery & dangerous!
*investigate hair bleaching again, yes! and i did it right before the year’s end! it’s NOT impossible to strip years of black from your hair! step-by-step instructions coming soon!
*buy a good meat cleaver i’d actually forgotten about this one. this year for sure.
*have dinner & drinks with the friends we always talk about going out with & never do done! at least most of you! i love you–you know who you are!
*possibly try & get more sleep since being unemployed has left me with lots of time on my hands, this one too is accomplished! i slept till 11 today!
*become bffs with m-k duh! just check out the picture above! it’s proof! what?
*learn to play my guitar again sort of! AND i’ve accumulated a bass! and apparently i’m going to be in a band! with real musicians! and i have bass lessons lined up!
*fashion a coke-nail out of my left pinkie i grew out all of my nails to a perfect length long enough to snort whatever your heart desired out of, & sam was horrified when i used one of them as a screwdriver. i cut them after i discovered typing & texting just weren’t the same.
*roast a pheasant still no. sigh.
*wear more hats lame! i’m getting rid of this one. although, i’mma find a way to integrate my new, beautiful headdress into my wardrobe this year!
*investigate going eyebrow-less! or at least grow them out & see what happens now that i don’t have black hair. i tried it once in the privacy of my own bathroom, & it was very beth ditto…just not sure if i’d venture out like that. what’s worse though: going out without brows, or going out with brows you draw on with a stencil?! the mind quails.
*make bffs with a tranny if you think this is rude & inappropriate, think again my little judgmental scabie! who else could i put on ludicrous amounts of makeup with, go shoe shopping with, play dress-up with & then have a double-penetration threesome with without a strap-on?! see…see?? what. i want one.
*go totally, completely platinum give me just a little grow-out time, a trim & another bleaching treatment & it will happen. very soon. get excited.
*convince my mom NOT to sign up to facebook shudder.
*learn all of lady gaga’s dance moves i think this one speaks for itself.
*get a job i think this one speaks for itself as well. it’s SUCH a struggle though! after a few months of looking, you just start to feel like a doomed loser. and when no one else has a job either, it kind of makes you feel okay! so it’s easy to slack-off! it’s terrible. i would only wish it upon a few people.
that’s all, babies! i think it’s best to keep it a little more on the modest side, don’t you?