Tag Archives: handbags

excess baggage

posted by:  audra

this fucker has let me down.  look at him, so smug with that retarded stephen sprouse graffiti!  but let’s make this snappy; i’m in a big hurry to get drunk before 11 & finish my augusten burroughs trilogy.

so, remember the marc jacobs handbag i purchased last november to reward myself for losing a certain amount of weight, when in actuality i never lost it & purchased the bag anyway?  it’s falling apart.  it is.  the internal stitching is fraying, the straps are peeling & the bottom looks like i’ve dragged it across the parking lot behind slow bar.  which i’ve done with some of my handbags, but never this one.

truthfully, i was never happy with the handbag to begin with.  this could be why she’s turning on me.  i wanted black; she was brown.  ‘bat brown’.  i settled for bat brown because the structure is nice, & there was no black option for that particular bag.  and it has tons of room.  seriously you guys, i could fit at least one premature baby in there…probably two.  twins.  and the latest issue of vogue, along with some lipgloss, a travel umbrella, spare panties just in case, perhaps a midsized perfume, too.  i grew to like her, even though she clashed badly with my reoccurring blackwear.

i noticed the scuffs & scrapes on the bottom & was slightly annoyed, but i let it slide.  then the straps started cracking.  then peeling.  then peeling some more.

i was pissed.  one doesn’t spend nearly five-hundred dollars on a tote to watch it die before her eyes six months later.

i investigated the zappos.com returns & exchange policy yesterday, the place from which bat brown betsey came.   actually, the couture side of zappos from which it was purchased.  it clearly states that for one to receive a refund or exchange, the merchandise must be in new condition, as well as in its original packaging…of which i tossed in a fit of feng shui the night i’d unwrapped it.  so, yesterday i emailed zappos.  and bitched.  nicely.

i told them that i was extremely happy with the bag at first… and that now the straps were falling apart… all that shit.  i may have exaggerated a little, but i shouldn’t have to put up with an mj taking its last breath so soon…especially when it took years of abuse for the heel of my red marc jacobs shoes to break on me.

this is what i got back, less than twenty-four hours later:

“i’m very sorry that the marc jacobs softy tote is not holding up as well as expected.  although the item has been used, we will allow you to return or exchange the bag as a one-time courtesy.”

but wait.  it gets better.

“i have taken the liberty of emailing you a pre-paid ups return label…we will ship the exchange order out right away, before we receive your return.  we only ask that your return order is received within 14 days of the exchange being shipped.”

how easy is that?  amazing customer service.  i’m not even sure if nordstrom would be that courteous.  so this is my very quick zappos plug:  they are awesome & will not let you down like a light tampon on an unexpected heavy day.  believe it!

the return part is set.  the replacement is another story.

i’ve spent hours looking at handbags.  do you know how many hideous bags there are out there?!  hearts, charms, zippers askew…and that’s only the high-end ones.  sigh.  i even considered taking the refund & spending my reimbursement elsewhere.  still, nothing.  well, not nothing–i did find a lovely alexander mcqueen that made my thighs sticky, but it would cost me at least two entire paychecks…which probably isn’t a wise decision.  tempting though.

i’ve decided to go with another jacobs.  i know, i know…it will probably fall apart on me too.  i just love him so much!  and they’re the only ones i like…really!  and, since i am able to return this one after almost seven months of wear in exchange for another, it’s sort of like having the new one for that long & so if it breaks apart like the one before, it’s like i’ve had that one for a year, which is better than six or seven months.  right?  i’ll keep you posted.

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