Tag Archives: coke-nail

audra: le xxx-mas dîner, resolutions & a coke-nail

had i been planning better, i would’ve pulled the camera out earlier last week, gotten off my ass & posted some sort of something for you to feast your eyes upon. but, of course, instead of using my snow days productively, sam & i laid about.  a lot.  aside from watching caligula & what we do is secret – twice, i have no idea what we actually did last week.  but i did discover that i wanna eat shane west even more so now after seeing secret.  even with his totally fucked-up-darby-teeth, he’s so delicious.  i no longer have to use a walk to remember as a masturbatory tool.  thank heavens.  that was getting embarrassing.

but anyway.   sam & i had a lovely christmas at home, relatively drama-free.  i even took some really gorgeous photographs of the super sexy standing rib roast with roasted fennel & crème brûlée…but it as it turns out, i was drunk, & the pictures didn’t turn out so hot.

i’m really lacking for material here, but i was thinking of doing up my annual resolution list.  it’s about that time, kids.  i think i’ll keep some of the same ones i’ve used in the past…you know, the easy ones, such as ‘fashion coke-nail out of left pinkie’ & ‘become best friends with an olsen twin’.  i should even keep the ‘lose 20 pounds’, but perhaps add ‘and gain back by next december’.  that’s sure to come to fruition…otherwise i’m just setting myself up for disappointment, right?

okay.  let’s get it over with…

*lose weight it’s terribly cliché, right?  but two years ago i resolved to lose 20 lbs & succeed, only to gain it back this year.  gross.

*drink less last year i said i would drink less only during the work week, & that it would not, under any circumstance, include nights of shows or anything social.  so then i resolved to drink more.  well, it’s gotten me all fat again, so maybe i just fucked myself there.

*gossip less this one is leftover from last year, too…but you didn’t hear that from me.

*buy more lusciously tall shoes because short girls can never be too tall.

*investigate hair bleaching although i have so much black hair dye in my locks that it would totally turn orange.  sigh. but i really wanna get skinny & morph myself into debbie harry in the 70’s.

*buy a good meat cleaver i don’t have one.  i need it.

*have dinner & drinks with the friends we always talk about going out with & never do i miss you.  you know who you are, you greasy little pepperonis!

*possibly try & get more sleep because after several drinks & some roofies, i’m no longer able to dream lucidly.

*become bffs with m-k or at least meet an olsen.  that would be okay, too.  i’ll settle for even seeing one from afar.

*learn to play my guitar again.  and better this time.

*fashion a coke-nail out of my left pinkie seems easy enough.  i could make it cool.  i could.

*roast a pheasant lame.  i can’t believe i didn’t accomplish that this year.

*wear more hats i have an enormous vintage hat collection inherited from sam’s glamorous great-grammy, & never wear them.   i’ll start wearing all my brooches, too, maybe.  & with my new coke-nail!  brilliant!

i think that about does it…wasn’t that fun?  i’m getting all sweaty just thinking about it.  for the moments leading up to the end of the year in mere hours, here’s some inspiration i’ve hunted down for myself…

june cleavers

pheasant!

new bff

future me

isabella blow. my hat idol. and in a mac store!

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