posted by: audra
my new favorite band + gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous video = something you need. tragic, yet sorrowfully amazing lyrics….love love love! makes me wanna heart my family just a little bit more whilst they’re around.
my new favorite band + gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous video = something you need. tragic, yet sorrowfully amazing lyrics….love love love! makes me wanna heart my family just a little bit more whilst they’re around.
sorry, samcakes…couldn’t resist! my jam of the moment…clearly not the real video, but lovely nonetheless:
i think it’s close enough to december 31st now to reveal my jam of the year! believe it! it is the most perfect song of 2009. it just is. i’ve listened to it like, a gabillion times & never gotten sick of it. i listen to it drunk while washing dishes–on repeat. i listen to it sober while putting on makeup–on repeat. i go to bed with it in my head & dream about it. it’s beautiful, sexy, kind of sad, has perfect composition & i really fucking love it. the video’s quite lovely, too. and the lead vocalist? he has that delicious kind of british lispy-thing happening, which is the ONLY time lisps are okay. just watch his mouth. i would totally sit on his face, never mind the spit-strings! where am i right this very second?! rocking back & forth in the fetal position inside my closet listening to this, shedding just one single tear. god… okay, ready?! here you go. you’re welcome.
the big pink velvet
uh oh, babies…i discovered today that i’ve committed a majorly terrible fashion faux-pas. and before you go snickering about my white socks with hot pink sequined flats, cuffed jeans & furry coat…THAT was in the privacy of my own backyard and was NOT meant to be seen by my hot neighbors. who are they to be looking through our transparent fence, anyway? none of your fucking business, pervs! ANYWAY, so today i finally heard the new lady gaga on le radio titled ‘bad romance’. i nearly shat glitter & champagne corks. isn’t it the bestest?! she’s my new obsession. i hated the gaga before, and have finally decided that she’s kind of amazing. anyways…so of course i immediately checked youtube for the video–i’m quite taken with hers–and you know what i got? wait for it….
…she DEBUTED bad romance at the alexander mcqueen spring 2010 ready to wear show!!! what the fuck?! seriously?! i blogged this AGES ago, and who’s the retard that didn’t actually watch the show, but took the easy route & just looked at the pictures?! god. whatever. here it is, and it’s quite amazing:
did you look at those fucking shoes?! uh-mazing. and speaking of arranging music for fashion shows….sam & i would be soooo good at it, you have no idea. can you even imagine betsey johnson fall 2011 ready to wear with le tigre‘s the the empty on the runway?! please! your head would explode!
anyone steals my bj idea & you’re dead fucking meat.
audra: well, well, well…someone is back from his blog sabbatical.
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re excited. Where the fuck have I been? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m lame, and I know it… but I’m here now. With Gramps Bowie in tow. We’ve got Low on right now. I just watched a documentary on the Bio channel about David Bowie. It made me hungry for something from the Berlin trilogy. Low it is. God, I love this album. “Sound and Vision“?? Come on…
audra: duh-licious. man, what was with him storing all his bodily fluids in jars? anywayz…yeah, i think low is really under-appreciated. i like it more every time i listen to it. a 1977 bowie; a bit mature, but still young & tight. and even better now that we recently(!) learned that he was living with uncle iggy during his berlin period.
Sam: Young and tight… I remember those days. It really is a great record. How can you go wrong with something that David Bowie, Iggy Pop & Brian Eno all had their hands on? And all the synth goodness?! Come on. You had me at helLOW. Oh snap!
audra: oh SNAP! jesus. but really, i think low could be released tomorrow & sound totally new. that doesn’t happen very often! talk about sound & vision…
Sam: Ok, ok… Thin Lizzy. You’re welcome.
audra: yesssssss!!! sigh. jesus christ, i love them. i really, really do. jailbreak. more sighs! phil lynott has this like, juicy voice or something about him. delicious. like he’s a wet-kisser — but not in a gross way. like he has a healthy appetite for sex. i don’t know. something about his voice just says, i give good head.
Sam: He sounds like a young Elvis Costello to me. Only dirtier, and sexier, and black. I bet his lizzy isn’t very thin.
audra: i bet you’re right. he IS sort of elvis costello-y! like el ripped off his glasses, fro’d his hair out & drank some cheap beer. mmm, cowboy song. i have a real soft spot for this one! it starts out embarrassing, but it’s just so fucking good! comforting. same with romeo and the lonely girl we heard earlier. phil has a certain sadness to his voice…i think that’s why i like it; sort of like i just want to scoop him up, wrap a blanket around him & tell him that he won’t always be a tortured artist. oh em gee! i think i hear little kristen hersh & her throwing moooses…
Sam: Funny, when I was little I totally thought ‘Muses” was pronounced ‘Mooses’. Fucking hell. Throwing Muses were a major part of my youth. Especially this record, University. It came out when I was 14 or 15 and has been one of my favorite albums ever since. It makes me feel hot & sweaty and a little anxious. Just like being 15. Hearing lines like, “I’ll start at his knees, and end in his dreams” kind of fucked me up back then… but clearly, it fucked me up in a good way… right?!
audra: wild! this fits perfectly in with my fantasy of nursing phil lynott: right after the tortured artist statement i made to him, he turned to me & cooed, “…and i think i need a little poi-son”. what a drama queen.
Sam: Drama queen, indeed.
audra: this is a good record. it took me awhile to warm up to kristen’s voice, but once i did, i loved it. she’s what stevie nicks would be if she were young & making alternative music in the 90s. right?!
Sam: Ooh, good call. I’ve loved her forever. I think she is incredible. Doesn’t she live in Portland now? What ever happened to 50 Ft. Wave?? OMG! “Teller” is on. This shiz if my favorite song on the whole album. It is fucking incredible. For real. “after all this is over, this is over after all“…
audra: i forgot about 50 foot wave! whatevs. i’m actually surprised we haven’t run into her around town yet. ooookey, so, i just picked garbage verson 2.0. i was 17 or 18 when it was released…and i swear to you, if it weren’t for garbage & tori amos, i totally would have slit my wrists in high school. so dramatic! listening to it now, it’s hardly deep or anything, but it spoke to me in a way only a mizundastood 17 year old head could understand.
Sam: It certainly wasn’t that important to me back then, but I like it. A lot. I saw them for the first time (out of three total) in 1998. It was amazing. It was at a mini festival at the Memorial Coliseum with The Flys (shudder!), Cake (shudder!), Soul Coughing, Violent Femmes and Sugar Ray (shudder!)… it was an accoustic set and it totally melted my face.
audra: word. man, sugar ray. i saw them when they were nobodies at the fairgrounds in the tri-cities! the bassist totally liked me. we were leaning on the stage. sigh. anyway! back to the topic at hand: garbage. verson 2.0 fondly remind me of heartbreak, not washing my hair [ever], fishnets, knee-high platform boots & dresses from hot topic. and i remember writing all the lyrics out to you look so fine out in my journal. those were the days.
Sam: Gross. Dirty hair & Hot Topic?? Sick! This record reminds me of moving to Portland and being on my own for the first time… Living in a gross, damp, moldy basement apartment… yuck! I think it’s time to put the ipod on shuffle, yes?
audra: yes!! first song betsey ipod picked: way out yeah yeah yeahs from show your bones. lovely. this is actually one of my very favorite songs the yyys have ever done! i really love how karen delivers the fits around me so tight! part. goosey bumps every time!
Sam: Me too. It makes me hard. God I love them. Ooh, Thom Yorke. And It Rained All Night… this song reminds me of the beach. We went right after this record was released. We listened to it the whole way there, druing the stay, and the whole way back… have we listened to it since??
audra: actually…i listen to it pretty often. just bits of it here & there. jealous? ookey, see you, depeche mode. it’s fun. what year is this? early. it’s good. so fun, so faggy.
Sam: Early 80’s… I have no idea the exact year. The beer has ruined my brain tonight. “don’t you know that it’s true. All I want to do is, see you“. Ooh, “hips like Cinderella…” I hear Pixies!! …and it was over as fast as it came. It’s little Stevie!
audra: but back to tame quickly…i love that shit so much. that song in particular. i once had a [redacted] who hated the pixies, and really hated that song. she thought frank was saying “pain” & thought it was really subversive. in a bad way. what an idiot! we don’t speak anymore. anyway, i was made to love you! only our ipod could follow pixies up with stevie wonder. let’s quail in the wonder. next!
Sam: “Cooooooonquest“… Patti Page! Delicious. This a fucking brilliant song. Even though the White Stripes tried to ruin it, it held its own. It’s a ferocious song. It sounds kind of pretty, but unless you want your dick bitten off, I wouldn’t mess with it!
audra: word! k. mr. mystery by fabienne delsol. i adore her work! for real. she brings a real retro feel to her music like you’re stuck in paris, 1963, eating from street vendors & wishing pierre would hurry the fuck up & take you to get your absinthe fix.
Sam: Now we’re on to Thieves Like Us “Program of the First Part“… I have to admit, I will like your band almost instantly if you’re named after a New Order song… and they deliver. This shiz is good. Real good.
audra: agreed. i like them very much…dancey, but cool dancey. a drunken, drug-induced trip to babylon — after-hours.
Sam: “The ceiling is moving“… yes! PJ Harvey! When under Ether. Fuck. I love this song. This is a sexy song. It’s a little somber, but fucking hot. I wannt to strip down and touch myself. This is going kind of fast… while Audra messes with her garter belt, we’re on to Snowden “Like Bullets“. Sexy.
audra: that shit is pissing me off. the one time i really want to wear a garter belt & the back right thigh won’t stay fastened. fuck it. my hand are cramping & i’m tired of messing with it. hat is off, too. jesus christ! anyway, snowden is awesome. i fucking love them. terribly underrated, they are! this isn’t one of my favorite tracks from them, but still good nonetheless! perfect first song. just perfect. next!
Sam: Donovan. “Season of the Witch”. Just take that damn belt off. All you do is witch, witch, witch.
audra: witching is my game, baby.
Sam: Witchy woman. I hate that song. Glad it’s not on the ipod.
audra: i hate that song too. gross. what’s next? shall we skip ahead? greek song by rufus wainwright. i think it’s hilarious that my mom loves this record. you turn me on, the girl is gone, so come on…
Sam: If she only knew… I love this record. And this song. The only thing that really bothers me though, is the line “I will dream in Barnes & Nobles“. Nobles? I hate it when people tack an ‘s’ onto things. It’s Barnes & Noble, stupid. Oh God, The Jesus and Mary Chain “Head On“… more like hard on.
audra: yep. so good. except, we need to re-add this to the ipod…it starts skipping right towards the end…riiiight about….yeah. there it goes.
Sam: Yessss!! “Pass the Hatchet” by The Godzillas. I fucking love this song. 60’s girl pop makes my pants tight and weak in the knees. This song makes me want to host a naked dance party… wow, short song. We’re now on to “Sleepwalking” by 120 Days. Nom nom nom nom, to quote a great friend (whose b*irthday happens to be today… HAPPY BIRTHDAY, b*!!!)… “I want to eat each and everyone of their asses”… word!
audra: thanks. thanks for taking not one, but TWO songs! damn! why you always saltin’ my game?! but yes, happy b*day, b! we heart you real hard. on to brigitte bardot & serge gainsbourg comic strip. it’s good, but embarrassing… SHEBAM! POW! BLOP! WIZZ! jesus christ.
…mmkay, whilst sam laces my corset (for real! my new plan is to train my waist tiny with a corset like dita), we’ll do pale blue eyes by the velvet underground. this is slow…but…..okay i’m panicking! you tied it in a KNOT?! bow. bow! it’s supposed to be in a bow! i can’t breathe!
Sam: How the fuck was I supposed to know? All I know is you have to get that shit tight and make it stay… and I did. Jesus! I got the knot out. Cool out. Everything is fine. What is funny is the almost-meltdown you just had was set to such a mellow song. Gawd… more Snowden for you…
audra: well, it WAS scary! i thought you’d have to cut it off of me like a car accident victim. anyway, yes yes yes yes! between the rent & me. if we investigated how many times it’s been played…it would no doubt embarrass me to the point of tinkling myself. i LOVE this song. what do you think i am, the smoke in your clothes? now when i walk in the room you know its all i can do to stare at the floor and not to look at you. sigh. crush 101 right there!
Sam: Oh. bloody. hell. We’re onto The Horrors “Who Can Say“. I fucking love this band. Even with the new “fucked by Depeche Mode” sound… it’s brilliant. The Shangri-La’s meets Jesus and Mary Chain mid-section of the song makes me want to fucking die. It’s too good for words. It may be the best break up song ever. Get away…. OMG, b*… it’s your b-day and you are ALL OVER our ipod tonight. Death From Above 1979 just came on…
audra: it IS the best break up song ever! yes! ohhh….death from above. romantic rights. i don’t need you, i want you. yum. wait! violet! and the sky was made of amethyst…
Sam: Hole. “Violet“. You’re turning violet, violet! Arguably, Live through This is my favorite-fucking-record-of-all-time. I can recite every goddamn word, and love every second of it. Audra mentioned earlier how Tori & Garbage got her through the “misunderstood” years… this was my record. This reeks of my youth. Jesus, I am totally having a Goonies moment right now.
audra: uh oh. ANOTHER b song…for real! this is getting gross! it reminds me of the first or second time we hung out with her. placebo post blue. it’s in the water, baby. this is your birthday present, love! i break the back of love for you.
Sam: “Eau d’ Bedroom Dancing” Le Tigre… This song reminds me of when I first met Audra. Young & dumb. The hours spent drinking cheap gin & coffee at Java Bay… oh, boy…
audra: yeah. but not together. gross. separately. okay, LAST CALL! the handshake mgmt. a good last song for the eve. or at least for the blog. god knows we’ll be up past 3 with drunken antics! i have mixed feelings for mgmt. the good parts are really good, and the bad parts are really bad. they have a song that sounds like the flaming lips. and i fucking HATE the flaming lips! hate! ugh! they are SO GROSS! anyway. i digress. mgmt. this is a decent song; one part arcade fire, one part little kids choir, mix with hallucinogenic drugs & shake. handshake. ha.
Sam: In grand tradition of last call with me, I will sneak one more in… Gene Pitney “Town Without Pity“… oi vey! Talk about sexy. “Talk about problems…” fucking hell. I promise you this, I will rave about this song just as much sober. Take that. That means I love it and I know what I am talking about…
…and that means I love you too. We could go on forever, lovers. We need to call it a night… even though Murder City Devils “Dancin’ Shoes” just came on. That means business. G’night, babies. Lurves you all!!
audra: word. i’m done. out of wit & cleverness…not that i had the much at the beginning of the eve to start with! whatevs! until next time, my sweets. we love you long time. sweet dreamers, my little creamers!
okay. so…something terrible has happened. something of epically catastrophic proportions: sam brought it to my attention the other day that kylie minogue has sampled one of my favorite-favorite songs ever — bonnie & clyde, done by brigitte bardot & serge gainsbourg. shame on you if you don’t know it…do your homework!
i nearly lost it. tears & hair-pulling & everything else that comes with a nasty hissy fit. my super-sexy, dirty little secret was now going to be ruined by australia’s pop darling?! one of the most well-written songs of all time, perhaps? i didn’t know what any of the words meant until i was able to translate them into english, but it doesn’t matter! it’s still upsetting!
but…at least it’s not a cover, right?!
last night, i had to see for myself. so, i did some investigation work & brought up youtube. i searched for kylie’s new song, sensitized, which contains my sample. i didn’t see the official video posted yet, but i watched some crappy one where the music had been set to a different video of hers. i hate it when people do that. but anyway, i listened to the whole mess…
…and it’s totally not bad! for real! and then i saw this amazing marilyn montage & fell in love with it. watch it right now! theeen, i saw this other one in the related section, and happened upon the promo for sensitized…and it’s. totally. fucking. hot!
what’s wrong with me?! first jesse mccartney & now this. whatevs. here you go! you’re welcome.
aren’t you so fucking excited that you’re near wetting your knickers?! i am.
Sam: I would, If I were wearing any. For real. We just returned from a fantastic afternoon of booze on the East Burn patio & a drunken trip to the record store. We managed to take the new Peaches, The Horrors, Camera Obscura and a used copy of Shakespear’s Sister Hormonally Yours off their hands. Perfect.
audra: you have. no. idea. how excited i am to have the shakespear’s sister record back! that shit changed my life. i wanted to be them. and the new peaches…so far i’m real impressed. it’s a real show stopper. panty dropper. speaking of dropping panties, how amazing were the horrors last night?! right?! we’ll talk about the record in a bit…in the meantime, join me for my first ever listen to the new camera obscura my maudlin career…
mmm. yum. first song, “french navy”…it makes me feel like i’m in a 1960’s film with catherine deneuve, & we’re walking down a busy street in paris with tons of shopping bags…you know, totally cliché, but oh so delicious. what you think, hambone?
Sam: Hambone? Well, I agree completely. So far, so good. It feels old, but in a new way. Just like Paris. Good call. It makes me want to dress all in black, chain smoke and stroll down Rue Cler or down Avenue des Champs-Élysées. Wow, we’re only on track four and I think I likey. A lot. Hmm… track five just started and it feels a little like a nursery rhyme. Uh-oh.
audra: well, sorta. not really? i don’t know. i just love their sound…they have yet to disappoint me. i love the organ! those super-sexy scots really know how to bring it & create a mood. i would kill to see them in a really tiny, smoky bar & be color blind for a night. black & white would be best.
Sam: “i love the organ!” There is the understatement of the year!
audra: well, i do love organs. all shapes & sizes…but the bigger, the better. that’s widely known.
Sam: Too big and you’re known for being wide. Wow. Really? Anyway, back to Camera Obscura… I’m loving this record so far. It would be rad to see them in some small smoky bar, but those days here in Portland are long gone. They are coming though! We can go see them in a rad old converted gymnasium! With… wait for it… Agent Ribbons! Sounds like heaven to me.
audra: we’ll see, we’ll see! okay, i think i just nailed down my favorite track so far, “my maudlin career”…title track. ‘you say i’m too kind & sentimental, like you could catch affection’?! sigh! i really like all the lyrics so far, & am so happy to be able to hold the actual disc in my hands & read the liner notes! my fave. support your local record store, you guys. the boys are always cute & it will make you look cool! do it!
Sam: Amen! This one sounds like Ricky Nelson. Ahh, Ricky Nelson. Heart, heart! I love that man. Wow, it’s really hard to write anything right now with Audra attempting to mimic the vocals on this disc. I need another drink.
audra: yeah. whatever. i did prit-tee good, never hearing the song before, yes?!
Sam: Don’t quit your day job. Please.
audra: k. end of the disc…well done, camera obscura! buy this! download it illegally! whatever it is you do! it’s damn good. a good record to entertain to…your friends will love you & think you’re way smarter than you really are! and you’ll look prettier too! i promise! next!
okay, you guys. i’m kind of embarrassed about this next one, but shakespear’s sister is fucking awesome. really! i first bought this album in 1992 when it came out…probably around my sophie b. hawkins days. mmm…so good! it made me feel cool. i did really want to be them…black hair, black eyes, too much makeup, black clothes…done! good work, audra. anyway, i saw this tonight & couldn’t resist. six bucks. believe it.
Sam: This pleases me too. I had the “Stay” cassette single… the b-side was an “album sampler”. God, I listened to it constantly. I really think we would have been best friends had we known each other at that age. And, just think. The outcome would would have probably ended up the same! I would normally make fun of you for a choice like this, but who encouraged you to buy it tonight?! That’s right. Me! I love it. How can you go wrong with former members of Bananarama naming a band after a Smith’s song?? You can’t.
audra: dude. “stay”. sigh! no, sighz! with a z! i listened to it constantly…i would fall asleep to it, pretend to fall asleep to it, masturbate to it…everything. it reminds me of every terrible crush i had at the time, & countless, heartbreaking school dances. it wrecked me & put me back together every time. still perhaps in my top 10 favorite songs of all time…? or is that the vodka talking…
Sam: No. It really is a good song. I remember the video kind of fucking me up. In a good way. Lets see if it still does.
Yep. Still does! Ok. Moving on. The new Bat for Lashes, ‘Two Suns‘. Go!
audra: well, i’ve been over bat for lashes for quite some time. all her songs sound the same to me, & once i was able to hear “what’s a girl to do” on the radio at my desk about 10 times a day…i’m totally ruined on it. buuuut, her cover of “i’m on fire” still makes me wet! anyway, it is good…i’m just tired of her. travel exhausts me!
Sam: That bitch knows a good song to cover, I’ll tell you that much. Her cover of The Cure’s “A Forest” is amazing. And, the fist track on this record?! I love it. Tonight is the first time I made it past the first twenty seconds of it… color me impressed. Her voice makes me want to touch myself. It has an early nineties feel to it, actually a little of reminiscent of Shakespear’s Sister…
audra: it is kind of good. okay, really good. but i never listen to it, ever. it bores me. but! i do rather like the cover art! it reminds me of pierre & gilles…did they do it?? hmm. whatevs. i’m ready to get schooled in the teaches of peaches, yeah?!
okay, kids…peaches, i feel cream. when i saw sam’s post about the new peaches single, i was super-nervous. singy-songy, in a slightly bad way… but when i heard the lines “i don’t give a fuck if you’re following me, i don’t give a fuck if you’re maulin’ me…” on the first track, ‘serpentine’ in typical peaches fashion, i knew my “suckin’ on my titties” girl didn’t let me down. yes!
Sam: Let you down, she didn’t. I’m going out on a limb here, but this might be my favorite release from her yet. Mixed by Simian Mobile Disco & Digitalism…??!! Bitch, please. It’s damn near perfect. ‘Talk to Me‘ is my jam.
audra: that song is starting to come around to me. it’s definitely more of a grower, not a shower. the rest of the record is fucking rad! you want to throw a house party, get your guests drunk, throw them in the basement & put this on at 2am. they will love you! it sounds like sweaty same-sex makeout seshes in the corner. yum.
Sam: You nailed that one. This record makes you actually hope you get roofied at the bar and taken home to get railed. Hard. It’s sexy, in a dark, sleazy way. Again, it’s a good thing I don’t wear underwear… or they’d be around my knees at every listen of this disc.
audra: yuss! totally! alright. depeche mode sounds of the universe. upon first listen, i wasn’t floored or anything like i thought i might be. playing the angel seemed a lot more ooohy-ooh to me…but the more i listen to this one, the more i like it. which is typically good coming from me; as in if i hear something & don’t warm up to it right away, i usually end up loving it to bits! the video for “wrong” totally fucked my shit up & i love them for that! i can’t stop watching it. good work, boys…good work.
Sam: True. You usually hate shit I love instantly… this being no exception. I was super impressed with this record. Minus the paint-shop inspired cover. Gross. Who told them that was a good idea? They were stretching it with the feather boy on the ‘Playing the Angel‘ disc…. this takes it to a totally different level. It’s a damn good thing the record holds it’s own against the cover. If not, they would have seen my fist coming for their face for sure. We’ll be seeing them in Seattle this summer and I’m so excited I’ve peed a ring around myself. Oh. My. God. Ok, on to The Horrors!
audra: oh, the horrors. most awesomest set ever?! maybe! i should’ve worn knickers last night, because my thighs were totally sticky the whole time! their new sound is like joy division, the jesus & mary chain, and my bloody valentine had a really sexy, boozed up baby. not the kind of baby with fetal-alcohol syndrome, but the cool kind! the kind that comes out of the vadge wearing a little eye-makeup, tight pants & smoking a cig! yes! how bad can that be?!
Sam: It’s like our dream baby… if we wanted one. We’ve always said, “if we were to have a child it would be a hot, skinny, British boy”. Any one of The Horrors would do the trick. Especially Coffin Joe.
Ahh, I love him. A lot. Last night was perfect. They totally switched up their sound, but it works. I think I may even like it better. A friend last night nailed it with a quote of, “Who is this?! It sounds like they got fucked by Depeche Mode!” Brilliant. That sounds like a hot wet dream come true to me!
audra: isn’t he so delicious?! i would probably break him in half, but maybe that would be hot. we should try it. fix me another drink, will you, lover? i’m dry.
Sam: You, dry? Never. That’s an oxymotrin if I’ve ever heard one.
audra: do we have any? oxymotrins? nurse, come quick! oh wait… anyway! i think this record will be our summer soundtrack! for suresies! i cunt wait! it already sounds like hot, sweaty things rubbing on eachother, so why not?! sigh…
Sam: I’m almost confident enough to say I couldn’t care less about what is on the horizon… between this record and the Fever Ray album, we’re set for this summer. Believe it. It’s that good. And, if you don’t believe me… have a looksies for yourself. And, if that still doesn’t convince you… then you might be dead to me.
S & a: on that note, good night, kittens! We love you. Real hard!