posted by: audra
…disseminated & formatted in a way you can easily comprehend. you’re welcome.
*some of your best friends may make friends with your landlords & happily offer to paint your sad, dilapidated looking house! our house will be brick red by this time next week, weather permitting. i can’t wait.
*ryan gosling is a crazy-awesome, amazing musician! look for sam’s review of dead man’s bones soon!
*running into old friends at your neighborhood bar doesn’t have to be awkward! even if you feel fat & greasy after a long day at work…
*that said, bingo nights hosted by the lyons club brings people together in a slurred, blurry, happy way.
*…and speaking of greasy little piggies–laura mercier has a new product that will make even the shiniest, palest t-zone perfectly matte & not even cakey looking or orange! it’s fucking uh-mazing, positively earth shattering. it’s called smooth focus pressed setting powder, with a slight mint-green tint to coerce that pesky ruddiness into pasty tastiness! here you go.
*in other makeup news: too faced now makes a mascara (called lashlight…how terribly clever) with an lcd light built right into the wand, & a tiny mirror plastered on the side of the tube. pretty retarded if you ask me, but the beautiful drag queen at sephora talked me into it; it doesn’t flake, smudge or clump. at $25/tube, i’d say go with dior diorshow for $24…but i can’t complain yet! not a single black flake of dried mascara has fallen on my cheek since i started using it!
*…and i’m currently trying out buxom‘s insider eyeliner. not sure about it yet. it’s supposed to be for applying to your waterline, all gentle & such…but i think the (self-sharpening!) pencil is too soft…? i like it, but i’d rather pay $10 more for nars if they made a self-sharpening liner. sigh…
*landlords bringing over a super-deluxe keyboard will change your life. i’ve already taught myself joy division with the bass/drum kit split feature!
*going out with your friends 5 nights a week will likely make for an uncomfortable, uneventful weekend. beware of your surroundings when you discover that america’ s funniest home videos is the only thing on. shudder.
*lady antebellum’s ‘need you now’ is kind of amazing! what.
*it may take a month or so to grow out a bit, but once you’ve gone & bleached your black hair into blonde…another trim & bleach will make it perfectly platinum & delicious! just stop dyeing your landing strip black, mmkay? it looks weird when you’re blonde.
*finding out about my beloved alexander mcqueen‘s death via multiple text-messages on an already terrible early morning at work is so not cool! (although, thank you for informing me, loves). i am still incredibly upset, sad, distraught & on the verge of suicide myself! discussion about that coming soon. i love you, leealexqueeny!
*this is now my favorite place in town. to the two who yelped snarly reviews, fuck off. the cute young kids who work there obviously don’t like you either, & i hope they spat in your tom yum goong.
*having your own roomy office with a space heater, door shut, not having to play receptionist, answering to a rad boss lady, getting business cards & streaming indie 103 all day long = pretty much the best thing ever.
*attending quiz nights at the bar might make you feel dumb! be careful of the subject matter. you know you’re a shoo-in with the boy band category, but if there’s a composer category, you’re totally fucked! do your homework! we’re called team speshull. steal it & you’re dead fucking meat.
*it’s cool if you love chevelle. i heart them really hard, too.
*slightly disgusting bouncers with fucked up teeth & long hair just might steal your heart! why do you like him?! who knows! but he’s so cute & nice in a gross way…and doesn’t even card you anymore! and he’ll totally smoke your menthol ciggies without wincing! le heavy sigh…..
*when your husband’s coworker’s exhusband’s family doesn’t want a beautiful, perfectly kept vintage mink coat, and offers it to you…you fucking take it and wear it every day like edie beale would! i love the live minkies just as much as the next animal rights activist, but this thing’s been dead for a loooong time–i wouldn’t fret over it.
*note the ‘crazy’ written on people’s faces from the beginning & take that as a big red flag. do not engage in facebook drama with these people.
*love your friends. they’re probably the absolute best anyone could ever ask for…ever!