posted by: audra
apparently i’m real good at list-making. it’s easier, maybe? this one is not bulleted, but i have faith in you.
whatever, martha! awesomest show EVER. maybe not ever, but it’s close. want to know a secret? i kind of want to be martha stewart. i do. doesn’t every girl want to be attractive, make her own laundry detergent from garden soil, cultivate her own hybrid lilies, make halloween-themed pasta (riga-boni!!), AND launder the sheets every day?! this show starring martha’s jaded daughter alexis and her adorable, sarcastic friend jennifer takes everything martha does & debunks it like the guys on ghost hunters…and it’s hilarious. i heart it.
right?! fine living network, my domestically challenged beauties. you will love it. i promise.
black eyed peas meet me halfway. god, i hate myself. is this old-ish or new? i don’t even know…but i do know that every time i switch the radio to z100, it’s on. which is embarrassingly often. i can only take so much fever ray & animal collective, you know? it’s SO good…but the video is terrible…brace yourselves:
i wonder if the yyy’s know that they totally stole that maps guitar thing? hmm. anyways, my absolute favorite, favorite, FAVORITE song of the moment is this: the raveonettes breaking into cars:
i think i put it on my myspace awhile ago…and calm yourself–there’s not a video just yet. it’s fucking so delicious that i would totally die for them. fucking BRILLIANT. love, love, looove. lyrics are simple, but the sound is dark & sexy like 60s film noir. the whole record…even the more ludicrously titled songs like boys who rape (should all be destroyed). a good portion of the tracks are about heartbreak & things you can’t have…always delicious. i’m a total lyric snob, and upon first listen i thought it was rubbish. but i kept listening, because they’re like my favorite band EVER, and i wanted to like it. now i love it for real. i do! the raveonettes – in & out of control. buy it now. it will make you look cool…because they’re so amazing. believe it! what? i need something to balance out the black eyed peas…
my shower. when sam & i moved into the house in september, the shower water pressure was AWFUL. it took ten minutes just to rinse all the shower gel out of my naughty bits. it was really upsetting, considering our old shower would pelt your clit right off if you turned the water on all the way. then, one random sunday, i turned on the shower and there was suddenly crazy awesome water pressure. where did this come from?! did someone switch a pressure switch? my theory is that my household ghost was concerned for my well-being–i no longer could have precious “intimate” showers with myself. now i can, once again. it IS just deep crevice-cleaning with perks, afterall. anywaysies! not only does it come with that now, but i can shower in half the time!
pouring salt on slugs. these fuckers are everywhere. and i thought the spiders were bad! now that the icky spiders have gone along their way, i’m now finding slugs on our back patio. in droves. i’ve killed at lease a dozen of them in the past month. last weekend, one of our friends actually petted (petted!!) one, stating that it was a ‘leopard slug’, or something. unless it’s wearing a leopard fur coat, i don’t want it on my fucking patio.
neighbor betsey. i’m pretty sure we’re meant to be besties. oh my god, betsey my bestie!! gross. it’s too perfect. she lives across the street. long black hair, long bangs, super-skinny, retardedly hip…god forbid i ever actually meet her and she reads this blog. i would die. like, die-die, not like ‘i die’-die. jesus christ, how horrifying! i mean, it could happen, right?! k-fed stood on my FRONT LAWN last weekend for god’s sake! you just never know what may happen….