Daily Archives: Thursday, July 30, 2009

le fucking heat wave

posted by:  audra

oh, my little sweat-drenched parakeets…i am so.  over.  summer.

i’ve gone on & on about my distaste for hot, sunny weather before, but we’re in the throes of hell & i’m about to fucking lose it.  yesterday’s local forecast stated that portland would reach an all-time high of 107–the second highest in the nation, next to phoenix.  phoenix!  add to that a humidity level of over 70% or something ridiculous like that…well, my body & mind turn on me.

this whole week has been the worst week ever temperature-wise, but yesterday & last night were the absolute worstest.  at one point, it was 92 degrees in our apartment, and 106 on the patio…and that was around 7pm.  my back was sweating.  my forehead.  my neck.  behind my knees.  under & in-between my tits.  inner thighs…yeah, i totally had the meat-sweats.   and that was just from sitting!  the heat’s making me feel floopy enough to not even pour a drink until nearly 9pm.   and that’s just wrong.

last night, when i walked into our little oven of a home, i flicked on the telly.  there i see a message from comcast stating that there has ‘been an interruption in service’ & to ‘please contact a comcast service agent’.   this irritates me.  and even more so now that even my earlobes are glistening with sweat.

a couple of months ago, our cable provider switched to comcast digital cable.  our apartment management pays for this, or rather, it’s included in our rent.  we’ve never had to deal with the cable company directly–just plugging in the television is all the labor that’s needed on our end.   after the big digital change-over debacle, comcast provided our entire apartment community with cable boxes.  even for those with newer tellies, like us, so we’re able to pick up a few extra channels.  like oxygen, where i can masturbate to tori & dean: home sweet hollywood.

anyway, these cable boxes, while small & inconspicuous, still irritate the fuck out of me.  we have a lot of stuff, but it’s all arranged just so, and any additional clutter i can’t handle.  i knew they were trouble from the beginning.  but, last night instead of fighting with comcast, we watched mau mau sex sex, the skeleton key (shut up, it’s good!), and sideways.

sam & i hadn’t seen mau mau(2001) yet, so here’s a quick review:  if you luuurve vintage sexploitation & grindhouse films like we do, you will love it.  it’s a documentary about the godfathers (dan sonney & david friedman) of smutty independent cult films who made movies like my personal favorite, a smell of honey, a swallow of brine.  it tells the story of how they made the controversial risque films first, when no one else in the industry was doing so.  now (or at least in in 2001–dan has been deceased since 2002) they’re bumbling old men, bickering back & forth about pussy galore.  it’s good stuff, kids!  especially when you’re cable is out & you’re sweating like a greasy little piggie.

as of right this very second, our cable is fixed & i can somewhat breathe now…if it weren’t for the stifling heat, i’d be in good shape.  jesus…this was a lame post.  the lameness won’t last forever, babies.  promise!  we love you!

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