Daily Archives: Thursday, May 7, 2009

dear bathroom wrecker:

posted by:  audra

whilst i will stick by the well-known fact that girls don’t do gross things, ever, it has come to my attention that someone is violating this rule in my workplace.  it is not someone i work with directly (i think), but likely someone in a different office downstairs.

after le lunch, i like to leisurely perform my afternoon makeupping rituals & brush my teeth, smooth my hair…whatever sort of maintenance that needs to be done gets done at this time.  i like the downstairs loo, as it gets a lot less traffic & the lighting is much better.  lately – and i use “lately” loosely, as it’s been the past 2 or 3 months – someone has been taking it upon themselves to “unwind” in there on a daily basis…and right before i do my daily grooming in there.

not cool.

who.  does.  that?!  every day?!  not only the act of doing it at work, but leaving evidence behind!  lots of it!  fucking gross!  the tweaked-out skanks i see at dive bars are even able to flush properly!  jesus christ!  i mean, really!   am i going to have to start driving all the way to nordstrom to the ladies lounge area just to put on some fucking makeup at lunch?!  get it together & leave your business at home, lady!  i just want my bathroom back!

sigh.  the even more disturbing part is that i’m pretty sure i’ve pinpointed the person who is ruining my life.   we arrive & depart work at the exact same time every day.  she’s much older than i…maybe in her mid-forties, & super dumpy.  pretty much my worst nightmare.  stringy hair, no makeup.  baggy sweatshirts & mom jeans deluxe.  and she’s got a wicked frump resting on her midsection.

anyway.  i went 2 days in a row this week where i didn’t have to deal with any “evidence”, & that made me very happy.  until today.  it had returned, & i even tried getting back from lunch early!  either flush twice, or stop eating activia or whatever!  but you know, i shouldn’t even have to worry about stupid shit like that!  how sad is it that a clean toilet bowl is enough to make better my afternoon?!  really fucking sad!

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