posted by: audra
so, i’m sitting at my desk this morning. this guy comes in & haves himself a seat. obese, little round wire glasses, leather jacket, pervy looking…you know the type. anyway, so i’m trying to do some work & look busy & he keeps talking to me. it started as small talk — how long have you worked here — that sort of yammering. then it goes to a gross place.
“it’s really interesting, your look. do you do that everyday? is there a name for that? the cleopatra look? i really like it. is that all your real hair?”
at least he didn’t call me goth. and yes, he asked if i was wearing a wig.
i have bitched & bitched about this sort of thing to no end. it’s always the same types of guys: skeezy, sports-watching assholes who fantasize about auto-erotic asphyxiation but are too scared to do it themselves. guys who go to hooters & slap the waitresses on the ass with their fat little sausage fingers. they always lead with “i love your look…” & then it typically is followed by a “so, you’re goth, right?”
it wasn’t in a patronizing manner, but i’m pretty sure he was visualizing me wielding a leather whip & thigh-high boots. i’m not being conceited, i swear…i could just see it in him. shudder. so gross.
“finalized the divorce last year! had to pay for both attorneys.”
“yep, i’m single now! so are you married with 10 kids? oh really, no kids? ah, a husband. what does your husband do? that’s interesting you’ve never wanted to have kids, a lot of young people these days are making that decision. golly, you should charge by the hour! look at me, just talking to you…you could make a lot of money, you have to pay for that makeup somehow! what’s your favorite food? you like thai? i had the best thai tea the other day. you know what you need in here? strawberry smoothies!”
seriously you guys, it doesn’t sound that bad, but it was brutal. i was totally ignoring him, half-answering his stupid questions semi-cordially, yet abruptly, with my side turned to him…nothing stopped him. i even coughed really grossly & then offered him some water. and he said yes!
i’m really offended that this bulbous, old, unattractive tool was hitting on me. what made him think that i would even consider him?! i would prefer him to take one look at me & think, now that is totally out of my league, & move on…not, let’s turn up the charm & give it a go!
i need a rape-shower.