it’s only a movie…

posted by:  audra

something terrible has just happened!  i was just milling about, minding my own business with the telly on in the background…when i heard the tail end of a movie trailer:  the last house on the left has been remade!  oh, the horror, the horror

what the fuck!?  really?  how come i’m just now hearing about this?!  i’m a horror film aficionado, & this is news to me.  it hurts a little.  i’m bruised, even!  the new version of the last house on the left comes out march 13th, which is really soon.  really soon.  anyway…a lot of people probably haven’t seen this film…the original, i mean.  well, what are you waiting for…?  go get it, like, now, before you see the remake & it’s lost its sparkle!  you know why?  because it’s fucking rad!  one of the most perfect horror films i’ve ever seen & really bloody…well, daring…for lack of a better term.  there’s lots of rape & graphic violence, & i highly doubt this new one is going to be able to hold a candle to the original.

…and!  wes craven’s first film ever!  done on a shoestring budget, wes & his small crew managed to put together one of the better psychological slasher films of all time. ..with actors who had little to no real acting experience.  and that is the stuff of dreams, kids!  i live for it.  you should, too!

oh, so many things wrong with this.  i’m so upset right now!  let’s look at a few things together.  maybe i’ll feel better…

  • directed by dennis iliadas.  okay, who?  i realize all directors have to start somewhere, but i’m a direction snob & this is the last house on the left, for christ’s sake.
  • the cast is a bunch of nobodies (tony goldwyn aka carl bruner from ghost is the biggest star!).  this kinda makes me giddy with anticipation, because i could totally see like, jessica alba, or someone stupid really fucking this up.  bad.
  • march 13th release.  really?  i’m all about stretching horror films throughout the year, really, but personally i think it needs a summer or fall release.  but wait!  it’s friday march 13th.  okay.  that’s okay then.
  • wes craven produced it.  this makes me happy.
  • trailer looks weak…lots of forced over-acting with stupid girls.  all the actors come off as dead-behind-the-eyes to me.  in a bad way.  nothing looks genuinely scary, like sadie & krug in the original do.

here is the 1972 trailer.  don’t let the slightly dull & clean 70’s trailer trick you into thinking this is something horribly lame!  like i said — rape, lots of well acted violence, & tits…it was initially rated x by the mpaa.  it’s disturbing, & it will fuck you up…i promise!

and here we have the 2009 trailer.  i watched it a second time just now & decided that if i didn’t know it was a remake of one of my favorite horror films ever, i’d probably want to see it…but not in the theater.

so troublesome.  i just don’t know what to think!   i’ll probably end up loving it.  sigh…

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