audra: post-thanksgiving stress disorder

well kittens, i hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving, filled with giblets, jarred gravy & canned green beans. actually, ours was quite nice & drama free(!). no political/homophobic/racial outbursts from the grandfather. what a failure of tradition that was. i suspect he was ordered not to do so prior to our arrival in town, but it made for a pleasant dining experience nonetheless. the turkey was a bit dry…even what with the pesto & butter jammed under the skin, but it was fine…i’m not that big on turkey anyway. i’m really under distress though; what the fuck happened to my mom’s butternut squash & yukon gold potato thing? it had gruyère & butter & cream…and it’s nowhere to be found anymore. tears… and also, there were placemats. fall-themed placemats. combined with my great-grandmother’s china & some linen napkins my mom bought in provence…well, it just didn’t look right.

another thing that really upset me last night was the gravy. i love gravy, really…but the thin, gluey, brothy stuff just doesn’t do it for me. i want creamy & fatty. when i was about 17, i decided to go vegetarian for awhile. it was lovely, really. i’m not sure i really did it for health reasons…probably more to be difficult & different in a town full of carnivorous hunters. but anyway, on holidays i would do the potatoes & a salad, & just skip the slaughtered bird. easy, right? hmm. in an effort to cram some sort of animal flesh down my throat, my mom would “sneak” giblets into the gravy. i was onto her though…i knew the second i took a whiff of that livery, hearty, lungy goo. you don’t mess around with mineraly gravy…that shit is impossibly to disguise.

the vegetarian thing lasted a little over seven years. really. but you know, sometimes a girl just really needs a bloody steak! by the time i started eating meat again, mum finally stopped trying to sneak organs into my gravy. and over the past several years since i’ve decided to eat anything, you would think now would be the time to pour some giblet sauce on my plate. now she’s all about the “giblet” gravy…sort of tastes giblety without the hassle of giblets…just substitute a leg with dark meat. now that i think about it, she also used to make these stuffed mushrooms with crab meat in them, but neglected to tell me about the crab…and actually telling me all that was in them were bread crumbs, herbs & parmesan. this is when i wasn’t eating seafood either. no animals – land or water. why was she pushing this agenda on me? i don’t get it.

i am a little proud of the old gal though…i think mom may be picking up cooking again. i’ve mentioned before about how she used to make these amazing meals for me growing up, and over the past couple of years it’s just fizzled out. badly. i blame her work “friends”. it’s no longer a french cassoulet when we visit, but “i’m just going to heat up these chicken wings from the deli. i’m sorry you guys…is that okay? i’m sorry…it’s not gourmet. i’m sorry.” enough with the apologizing. seriously. i’ve gotten glared at so many times lately when i’ve mentioned how i had roasted duck, seared some veal or grilled a rack of lamb over the weekend. but i think my gloating has paid off…

last night mom mentioned that she wanted to raise lambs. and she’s also been making her own limoncello. i don’t know what the fuck she’s been doing with the limoncello, but whatever. but back to the lambs – dad’s not so sweet on the idea. we had horses & cows when i was a wee lass, and i think he’s done with the whole raising animals thing. but i think it would be so rad, right?! racks of lamb for everyone! and lamb curry all the time. we’ll see…they have the acreage, it’s just the dad that needs convincing. and could i not get a sweater made out of the lambies as well!? everyone’s happy. and then after the wool is used, i could fashion a new lambskin handbag out of the skins. brilliant! i don’t think dad has any idea what an amazing idea this is. the dog would love it too…something else to bark at. again, brilliant! i have some convincing to do.

…oh my god, is this my first food post?! sort of, right? it’s not what i pictured, but it will have to do. i’m just sad that i complain about thanksgiving every year. publicly, too. this year was definitely a vast improvement though, but it’s always such a headache…especially with the grandfather. it’s just so awkward. and with not being able to talk about politics, race or sexual orientation, what else was there for him to talk about? we just looked around at the table, the walls, my shoes…and his pug snorting & tearing around the house. it didn’t help that my parents didn’t change the music channel; i think it was on 70’s rewind something or other – lots of ac/dc & billy squier. and somehow appropriate for thanksgiving dinner.

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